This may sound very initially stupid but sometimes I am
really jealous of my siblings. Their status, their living environment, and so
on. It’s like everything is within each other. They got each other right where
they want them, friends are all well known through out. I, as a bastard child,
doesn’t get much of the benefits. Yes I am young and more spoiled in such a
way compare to the rest of them, but
then I rather have each other than to have myself. I would really rather go to
arcadia high and meet all these kinds of people who are Taiwanese and social
that are bilingual rather than making friends I rarely talk to and doesn’t
really go out often. It’s stupid sometimes to admit things like this, but then
when I am with them, I feel like things tend to change up, yeah I may seem like
I got everything. Caring parents, well in compare to their situation, and just
a home I guess. Don’t really have to do chores and such, but then sometimes I
wonder, how would life be if I was to be still in Taiwan. I bet life would
differ. I would tend to think of the paralleled universe. What if there’s another
me, in the same time frame, but she’d be choosing another decision, and whether
it’s right or wrong, her life is probably way different from mine. There may be
some that is alone, some that’s still with my ex-boyfriend, some partying and
having a good time, and just others who are smarter or dumber and perhaps
within all those paralleled universe there would be one that have my mom in it.
The one where her cancer is cured, or her cancer was discovered earlier and was
treated before too late. The one where I’d still be living with her, although I
may not have met anyone here, I would’ve been with one of my earliest crush
which is now MIA because all I know is his name, and a little bit of his look.
Who knew. Sometimes I wish I can go back to the past, and be myself, and choose
again and see where I’d end up. Just
sometimes you know.
Showing posts with label event. Show all posts
Showing posts with label event. Show all posts
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
true friendship; short.
Today's lesson is, no matter how depress it is, no matter how much fight you get into, friends are always there for you. Well, true friends actually. And by far, the only set of true friends I have by far obtain is these two, who are truely true friends of mine. Who when I need them the most, always there for me. And for sure, I am thankful for them. Thank you lord or whoever is above for giving me this chance to be with them, to enjoy moments of smile.
I always question friendship at times because all it seems like is when you need them, they are there, and when you dont need them, their nothing to you. But those two, they are always there, sometimes one is more than another, but truthfully speaking, no matter how much fight you get into with them, you know in the end all you desire is getting back on being friends with them! because that's just exactly how much they mean to you! (:
No pain, no gain. Well too much happiness so no need to blog today! :D until next time!
I always question friendship at times because all it seems like is when you need them, they are there, and when you dont need them, their nothing to you. But those two, they are always there, sometimes one is more than another, but truthfully speaking, no matter how much fight you get into with them, you know in the end all you desire is getting back on being friends with them! because that's just exactly how much they mean to you! (:
No pain, no gain. Well too much happiness so no need to blog today! :D until next time!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
love complex. ;ℓα ∂συℓєυя
All I ever wanted, was to see you smiling, all I ever wanted was you to be right beside me, all I ever wanted was you and me. Why cant you ever see that? You're so stupid. I always loved you and only you. No matter how many guys I try to have a crush on, when I see you, it's like a auto reset, all back to you again. No matter how hard I try, to forget you, to erase you from my past, it just seem impossible.
I thought I erased you completely, this whole 6 month, being in a relationship with someone who I had a crush on, thinking that that will make whatever we had over. I thought I could do it, I thought that you and I was really over until that day, when I faced you once again. My heart, instantly recognized you from a far. It didnt take long for it to start racing from the top. My mind, already panicking and wanting to run away. I calmly reacting on the outside, acting a bit nervous, because what am I suppose to do? All the symptom of love is showing, something I cannot stop myself from. I am seriously hopelessly in love and denial. Why will I leave you in the first place? More ever, why did I leave you?
I dont know anymore. Is it wrong to be feeling like this for your ex? And more ever, is it wrong to be comparing and missing your ex each time when your current present does something that to you, no boyfriend should do? I guess.
Today when he went off, hanging up and decide to end the whole night's conversation just in 20 minutes, it made me felt uneasy. The insecurity kicked in. All those calls back then, he would never leave me within this short of a time. Even for gaming, I remember the first month, actually the first few month when we use to skype starting from 7, he would invite me into the chat that he had with Rudi when he's playing video game with him. Now, just a simple, hey Rudi fixed his game, I'll text you later. Not even a offer of wanting to stay there with Rudi and him. Well I guess guys have their gaming world, but honestly, I guess its really true that guys will treat you like you are all they got the first few month of the relationship and slowly back down.
As the time progresses, I started to see the progressing of laying back kicking in. From early calls as early as 5, or 7 PM to now a 11:30 PM or 12 AM call. From a I'll walk to your house everyday at 9 and get there at 9:30 AM to a I might get to your house at 11 AM and then maybe fall asleep and end up not waking up until 1 PM, and say a sorry and pretend like nothing's happened.
Relationship is a strange thing. The longer it last, the more greedy you came upon, and the more you would want. Before just a simple holding hand would do, and now, without harrasment it wouldnt do the day? Does all guy wish for this? I started out just wanting a simple love, where no harrasing is involved, and look what I am into now. From a thought of no sex until marriage to a relationship will only last if you have sex with me, and the maximum limit I am giving you is our anniversary date. Like honestly, its not that I am insecure, its just thats my way of thinking. How my mind is set to. No sex unless marriage. No matter what the hormones are telling me, I am gonna stick with my belief, and when you came in and hit me, it really got me confused. What should I do? I dont want to lose you, but nor will I want to lose my virginity this early. Sigh, I dont even know anymore.
What is love? You tell me that you are doing this because you love me, you are doing this, wanting the sex because it will bring us closer. But honestly tell me which guy doesnt crave for sex. I am just a girl with naive thoughts being tainted more and more as the days go on. I am confused now. At times I really want to break up, break it, I cant handle sex, I really cant, but then I really do want to be with him. I do care for him and all. And I do put effort, but going through sex is really just too much for me. I really hoped he would've understood, but then maybe I am wrong, afterall he is still a guy.
Can someone please tell me what to do?I am here, lost once again.
There's a Christmas Party I been planning for a whole two month, wanting it to be perfect, or at least good, but relectant on whether or not I should invite my current. The thoughts battle each other each time behalf of his action, and now I am stuck. A few moments ago when I was still on the phone with him I really wanted to tell him, then when he chose gaming over me, I shrink back into my shell. Maybe I should just wait, and time will tell.
Until next time.
yisa yu 暖心 <- great depressing song if you want something sad and sounds nice ^_^.
I thought I erased you completely, this whole 6 month, being in a relationship with someone who I had a crush on, thinking that that will make whatever we had over. I thought I could do it, I thought that you and I was really over until that day, when I faced you once again. My heart, instantly recognized you from a far. It didnt take long for it to start racing from the top. My mind, already panicking and wanting to run away. I calmly reacting on the outside, acting a bit nervous, because what am I suppose to do? All the symptom of love is showing, something I cannot stop myself from. I am seriously hopelessly in love and denial. Why will I leave you in the first place? More ever, why did I leave you?
I dont know anymore. Is it wrong to be feeling like this for your ex? And more ever, is it wrong to be comparing and missing your ex each time when your current present does something that to you, no boyfriend should do? I guess.
Today when he went off, hanging up and decide to end the whole night's conversation just in 20 minutes, it made me felt uneasy. The insecurity kicked in. All those calls back then, he would never leave me within this short of a time. Even for gaming, I remember the first month, actually the first few month when we use to skype starting from 7, he would invite me into the chat that he had with Rudi when he's playing video game with him. Now, just a simple, hey Rudi fixed his game, I'll text you later. Not even a offer of wanting to stay there with Rudi and him. Well I guess guys have their gaming world, but honestly, I guess its really true that guys will treat you like you are all they got the first few month of the relationship and slowly back down.
As the time progresses, I started to see the progressing of laying back kicking in. From early calls as early as 5, or 7 PM to now a 11:30 PM or 12 AM call. From a I'll walk to your house everyday at 9 and get there at 9:30 AM to a I might get to your house at 11 AM and then maybe fall asleep and end up not waking up until 1 PM, and say a sorry and pretend like nothing's happened.
Relationship is a strange thing. The longer it last, the more greedy you came upon, and the more you would want. Before just a simple holding hand would do, and now, without harrasment it wouldnt do the day? Does all guy wish for this? I started out just wanting a simple love, where no harrasing is involved, and look what I am into now. From a thought of no sex until marriage to a relationship will only last if you have sex with me, and the maximum limit I am giving you is our anniversary date. Like honestly, its not that I am insecure, its just thats my way of thinking. How my mind is set to. No sex unless marriage. No matter what the hormones are telling me, I am gonna stick with my belief, and when you came in and hit me, it really got me confused. What should I do? I dont want to lose you, but nor will I want to lose my virginity this early. Sigh, I dont even know anymore.
What is love? You tell me that you are doing this because you love me, you are doing this, wanting the sex because it will bring us closer. But honestly tell me which guy doesnt crave for sex. I am just a girl with naive thoughts being tainted more and more as the days go on. I am confused now. At times I really want to break up, break it, I cant handle sex, I really cant, but then I really do want to be with him. I do care for him and all. And I do put effort, but going through sex is really just too much for me. I really hoped he would've understood, but then maybe I am wrong, afterall he is still a guy.
Can someone please tell me what to do?I am here, lost once again.
There's a Christmas Party I been planning for a whole two month, wanting it to be perfect, or at least good, but relectant on whether or not I should invite my current. The thoughts battle each other each time behalf of his action, and now I am stuck. A few moments ago when I was still on the phone with him I really wanted to tell him, then when he chose gaming over me, I shrink back into my shell. Maybe I should just wait, and time will tell.
Until next time.
yisa yu 暖心 <- great depressing song if you want something sad and sounds nice ^_^.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
the breakage. ; ℓα ∂συℓєυя
Friends, their the best cure for lost love. When you are lost, when you dont know what to do anymore, the best thing for me is to forget about it, not think about it. Hang out with friends, chill with others, in hopes of that you would forget the ones you cared the most. Because sometimes you realize somethings are just better leaving it forgotten.
This morning, after the passage of 12, the fight carried on, it led itself into our world. Our weak bond quickly shattered. I question myself, am I asking for too much? If he never lead me to expect these things then today, I wouldn't be here thinking of how unfair it is. I wouldn't be comparing the us before and the us now.
Is it wrong to compare? It is wrong to be selfish? In relationship, there's always one side that is imbalanced, but sometimes trying to fix this imbalance causes things to go worst. Already been exactly half of a year since together and yet we fight like little kids, we fight like immature. Why do we fight? Deeply, I think its my fault for all these happenings. Its funny, because no matter how many times he sound like he's blaming me, sounding like its my fault, when i mention itsmy fault he would say its not. But then truely, we both know that isnt the case.
Why is guys so hard to understand? You think women are strange species, what about yourselves men? He asked, am I tired of this relationship? Because he is. He is tired of trying to hard, and getting nothing back, he is tired of caring so much and get no thanks in return. He is tired of arguing with me countless times over things that shouldnt even be argued about. Are we really meant for each other? He questioned this relationship many times, and now maybe i should as well.
He gave me a total of 24 hours to consider this relationship, until I give a answer, he refused to talk to me. Even to wake me up. How stupid, ever since last weekend, ever since the meet with my ex. I am so tired now, I am confused, lost and tired. I want something more than this yet I can't even handle it. Such a stupid girl. He devoted so much of himself to me, yet I am doing this. Am I wrong? He told me to tell him what I expect from this relationship and what I will do to maintain this relationship.
I am so lost. I am in so much pain now, can someone help me? I don't even know what I have been saying this past few hours...what do I do? Can someone please tell me?
How far am I away from happiness?
Alana Lee Hamilton Butterflies
super awesome big fun great ball
shinigami
ajax chat
kinokukun
This morning, after the passage of 12, the fight carried on, it led itself into our world. Our weak bond quickly shattered. I question myself, am I asking for too much? If he never lead me to expect these things then today, I wouldn't be here thinking of how unfair it is. I wouldn't be comparing the us before and the us now.
Is it wrong to compare? It is wrong to be selfish? In relationship, there's always one side that is imbalanced, but sometimes trying to fix this imbalance causes things to go worst. Already been exactly half of a year since together and yet we fight like little kids, we fight like immature. Why do we fight? Deeply, I think its my fault for all these happenings. Its funny, because no matter how many times he sound like he's blaming me, sounding like its my fault, when i mention itsmy fault he would say its not. But then truely, we both know that isnt the case.
Why is guys so hard to understand? You think women are strange species, what about yourselves men? He asked, am I tired of this relationship? Because he is. He is tired of trying to hard, and getting nothing back, he is tired of caring so much and get no thanks in return. He is tired of arguing with me countless times over things that shouldnt even be argued about. Are we really meant for each other? He questioned this relationship many times, and now maybe i should as well.
He gave me a total of 24 hours to consider this relationship, until I give a answer, he refused to talk to me. Even to wake me up. How stupid, ever since last weekend, ever since the meet with my ex. I am so tired now, I am confused, lost and tired. I want something more than this yet I can't even handle it. Such a stupid girl. He devoted so much of himself to me, yet I am doing this. Am I wrong? He told me to tell him what I expect from this relationship and what I will do to maintain this relationship.
I am so lost. I am in so much pain now, can someone help me? I don't even know what I have been saying this past few hours...what do I do? Can someone please tell me?
How far am I away from happiness?
Alana Lee Hamilton Butterflies
super awesome big fun great ball
shinigami
ajax chat
kinokukun
Thursday, November 15, 2012
тнoѕe мoмeɴтѕ. ; ℓα ∂συℓєυяα
Those awkward moments when you and your past no longer collide the way you wanted it to. Those awkward moment where you wished everything that had happened havent, and things can start over. It's those moments that makes you have second thoughts in life. Why did we do this? Why did we do that? Only if this happened....only if that happened...and such and such. Many of us have regrets just like that, and then we question our own action.
Sometimes when you finally meet up with your past again you suddenly realize, how nice it would have been if those things that caused the conflict didnt happen. If you didnt choose to do that. If in another paraelle universe you were actually smarter and did the right choice. But then of course, we all have times where we dont know what we do or we dont give second thoughts, or simply we dont predict the future.
It's those feeling that lead me into writing today's post. It wasnt because of some major conflict, it wasn't because of those loneliness, but because of those nostalgic feeling you had about the past when you see that person. Its those flashback that pops up that makes you realize how nice it would have been if those things didn't happen. How great of a time you guys would be having. Regardless of having to worry or avoid them as of now.
Life is so silly at times. Back in elementary, back in kindergarten, whenever you did something wrong, most likely you guys would still be talking even after that. Reason? You were just a simple pure kid, with nothing to worry about or having to have second thoughts about. Why can't we do the things like how it was? Why do we have to worry so much? Why does life have to be so complicated as of now?
But honestly, when i was a kid, i was quite a lonely kid. No friends, and the only one that's true by my side would be my mom. But she's gone now. So who's truely close to me by heart? I dont know anymore. Many may say boyfriend, may say best friend, yes thats true, they are close, they are by far the closest thing to my heart as of now in compare to anyone else. But deep down,
Sometimes when you finally meet up with your past again you suddenly realize, how nice it would have been if those things that caused the conflict didnt happen. If you didnt choose to do that. If in another paraelle universe you were actually smarter and did the right choice. But then of course, we all have times where we dont know what we do or we dont give second thoughts, or simply we dont predict the future.
It's those feeling that lead me into writing today's post. It wasnt because of some major conflict, it wasn't because of those loneliness, but because of those nostalgic feeling you had about the past when you see that person. Its those flashback that pops up that makes you realize how nice it would have been if those things didn't happen. How great of a time you guys would be having. Regardless of having to worry or avoid them as of now.
Life is so silly at times. Back in elementary, back in kindergarten, whenever you did something wrong, most likely you guys would still be talking even after that. Reason? You were just a simple pure kid, with nothing to worry about or having to have second thoughts about. Why can't we do the things like how it was? Why do we have to worry so much? Why does life have to be so complicated as of now?
But honestly, when i was a kid, i was quite a lonely kid. No friends, and the only one that's true by my side would be my mom. But she's gone now. So who's truely close to me by heart? I dont know anymore. Many may say boyfriend, may say best friend, yes thats true, they are close, they are by far the closest thing to my heart as of now in compare to anyone else. But deep down,
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
a little special something.
dear secret santa, cough cough and all those people that are reading this, which is probably everyone...
even though i am the one to tell you you're my secret santa which makes this not make any sense in the first place but then i am still writing here in hopes for some surprises.
this Christmas might be our very first Christmas not celebrating it just by passing out gifts during lunch break, but instead being all like a family and celebrating it in a house. i don't need or want anything fancy. in fact i know 10 dollar isn't gonna buy much things with the economics going down like this. and inflation, not to mention the price of gas going up.
moving on....before i move to different topics again..i would totally ask you for a mansion, a car, a limo, a hotel room, five star restaurant all you can eat, and all those things, but i am not going to, because why? I am a little angel so i shouldn't ask for much.
all i want for Christmas is you! okay unless you are gonna become my slave and all, i don't want you LOL. but uhm i actually don't know what i want for Christmas either. but i definitely don't want food or anything related to it for Christmas, because after all eating them wont be lasting memory after all.
but since my secret santa is a bit slow at things.....perhaps? HERE IT COMES!
i wish for anything that is piyo piyo related, because i personally love piyo piyo, but please don't connect rubber duckies with piyo piyo nor any other kind of ducks, because their simply not the same. but its so hard to find a cheap piyo product around huh? well i wouldn't know that because i don't go out to buy things much besides for you guys...
I would love anything that last, as long as it wont pile along with all those junk in my room for those who have seen my room already knows exactly what i mean. and for those who dont, you will just have to imagine.
so with that in mind, i don't need bar soaps, lotions (oh god i got tons of them actually), or any of the bath products. MAKE UP? MAKE UP? don't kid yourself. jenny don't use makeup...like ever! clothing? uhm go ahead but don't buy me a small, because i don't fit into them. i am between a medium and large, i am just saying. jacket definitely a large but then where the heck are you gonna buy a 10 bucks jacket these days? so nvm that.
so with those aside, really anything is fine. i just don't want bath related product or food related, or kitchen related things, and no junks please. (: definitely prefer piyo things. giftcard would be nice too. but yeah. thanks santa.
A PHONE WOULD BE SUPER NICE TOO! but you know that's kinda impossible, nor is a driver's license . so yeah, thanks! (:
even though i am the one to tell you you're my secret santa which makes this not make any sense in the first place but then i am still writing here in hopes for some surprises.
this Christmas might be our very first Christmas not celebrating it just by passing out gifts during lunch break, but instead being all like a family and celebrating it in a house. i don't need or want anything fancy. in fact i know 10 dollar isn't gonna buy much things with the economics going down like this. and inflation, not to mention the price of gas going up.
moving on....before i move to different topics again..i would totally ask you for a mansion, a car, a limo, a hotel room, five star restaurant all you can eat, and all those things, but i am not going to, because why? I am a little angel so i shouldn't ask for much.
all i want for Christmas is you! okay unless you are gonna become my slave and all, i don't want you LOL. but uhm i actually don't know what i want for Christmas either. but i definitely don't want food or anything related to it for Christmas, because after all eating them wont be lasting memory after all.
but since my secret santa is a bit slow at things.....perhaps? HERE IT COMES!
i wish for anything that is piyo piyo related, because i personally love piyo piyo, but please don't connect rubber duckies with piyo piyo nor any other kind of ducks, because their simply not the same. but its so hard to find a cheap piyo product around huh? well i wouldn't know that because i don't go out to buy things much besides for you guys...
I would love anything that last, as long as it wont pile along with all those junk in my room for those who have seen my room already knows exactly what i mean. and for those who dont, you will just have to imagine.
so with that in mind, i don't need bar soaps, lotions (oh god i got tons of them actually), or any of the bath products. MAKE UP? MAKE UP? don't kid yourself. jenny don't use makeup...like ever! clothing? uhm go ahead but don't buy me a small, because i don't fit into them. i am between a medium and large, i am just saying. jacket definitely a large but then where the heck are you gonna buy a 10 bucks jacket these days? so nvm that.
so with those aside, really anything is fine. i just don't want bath related product or food related, or kitchen related things, and no junks please. (: definitely prefer piyo things. giftcard would be nice too. but yeah. thanks santa.
A PHONE WOULD BE SUPER NICE TOO! but you know that's kinda impossible, nor is a driver's license . so yeah, thanks! (:
eveɴтѕ - ℓα ∂συℓєυя
Events tends to be tiring at times, but then it's the joy in the process of mkaing it happening that makes it enjoyable and fun to bare with. Many times I tend to ask myself, why am I putting so much effort into things that maybe we should all be working towards, and then i realize the answer, because the joy and the happiness you get from seeing their face tends to be priceless. Even a simple smile or thank you really tends to make up for those troublesome moments. You may not understand what I am saying but you know happiness isn't to keep to one self but to share it among with everyone else.
Maybe that's what the Grinch's heart grew bigger and bigger as he saw the ray of happiness shining upon the city even though they were present-less. So did Grinch really stole Christmas? Or in a sense was he really the Santa that showed everyone what Christmas was all about? The one who united them all? Oh the irony.
Well as for now, here's the event as it goes on so far. The list is so ironically combined. I mean Ann and Jenny haha, that is like connect two of the same magnet, always repel against each other yet now their gifting each other gifts. Haha, hopefully through this it would make them closer together. And last secret Santa that we played during senior year Melissa's secret Santa was Jocelyn, and Melissa was my secret Santa. It's very funny how things turned out. Maybe that's life for you.
I don't know about you guys, but my favorite part of the whole season is seeing everyone's happy and joyful face and Christmas shopping. Perhaps shopping is in all girl's genes, but then i don't know why, when i shop for someone else i tend to be happier than shopping for myself, maybe its the excitement you get when you think of their face when they receive the present and all. Or maybe the season is just a bit overly jolly that you tend to not be able to wipe away that smile. But for whatever it is, it sure makes the whole year worth the wait.
Maybe that's what the Grinch's heart grew bigger and bigger as he saw the ray of happiness shining upon the city even though they were present-less. So did Grinch really stole Christmas? Or in a sense was he really the Santa that showed everyone what Christmas was all about? The one who united them all? Oh the irony.
Well as for now, here's the event as it goes on so far. The list is so ironically combined. I mean Ann and Jenny haha, that is like connect two of the same magnet, always repel against each other yet now their gifting each other gifts. Haha, hopefully through this it would make them closer together. And last secret Santa that we played during senior year Melissa's secret Santa was Jocelyn, and Melissa was my secret Santa. It's very funny how things turned out. Maybe that's life for you.
I don't know about you guys, but my favorite part of the whole season is seeing everyone's happy and joyful face and Christmas shopping. Perhaps shopping is in all girl's genes, but then i don't know why, when i shop for someone else i tend to be happier than shopping for myself, maybe its the excitement you get when you think of their face when they receive the present and all. Or maybe the season is just a bit overly jolly that you tend to not be able to wipe away that smile. But for whatever it is, it sure makes the whole year worth the wait.
The Secret Santa List:
Ann Yee - Jenny Lu
Jenny Lu - Ann Yee
Connie Lai - Jenny Chuang
Melissa Hua - Jocelyn Del Rio
Jenny Chuang - Melissa Hua
Jocelyn Del Rio - Connie Lai
I am pretty sure i didnt write this in my last blog, but then my parents removed my doorknob..why you ask? Because my parents are multi-house owner or landlord i guess? And they rent out their houses, and in one of their houses they needed a doorknob, and our of the whole house, our of all the doorknobs they could have taken, they decide to take mine. And I am the one who uses my doorknob the most. Isnt this ironically? I mean yeah i would totally understand if i never use my doorknob and all, but no, none of my parents use their door knob yet i am the one who they take away from. Sigh. That's life for you. Well until next time.
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