I end up cleaning out my room a little, gave away 3 bags of clothing, feeling a bit accomplished in life. Also recycled about 250 cans/bottles, although I didn't end up collecting all of them, it felt good. I feel like I accomplished a lot of things this week, sorta proud of myself you know.
Kind of makes me want to clear out more clothing and donate them to salvation army, but I don't know where to start, because my goal is to get rid of all the clothes that are not in the closet. I mean now there's walking room in my room and you can actually see the floor.
I recently, well yesteday actually, donated 3 bags and it felt amazing. Just getting rid of a load that you never looked at in your whole life, and probably will never wear even though you tell yourself you will wear it. Don't we all have those moments? (of course some more than others but hey, who's judging)
For many, it probably sounds insane, because I mean of course you would see floor in your room, who wouldn't? Well in a typcial day in my room, you usually don't see the floor, you see clothes everywhere, bags everywhere and etc.
And as scary as this sound I live like a bum, just a wealthier bum.
So there goes my goal in life, or at least for this week, to clean my room a bit. I mean it's definitely coming out better than it was before, but not good enough. Slowly but surly right?
I think that's probably my worst habit, not cleaning my room (and my car, but let's not get me started on how messy my car is)
Of course this is one of those times where I will not be releasing any pictures, because gosh, let's not completely kill my reputations (what reputation?) on blogger.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Britain's Got Talent, Susan Boyle and Connie Talbot
Does anyone remember watching Britain's Got Talent in 2009 and saw Susan Boyle? (If not, definitely click the link there and watch the video before continuing onwards with this blog.
So Susan, an originally 47 year old unemployed a Scottish singer went onto the show, with many audiences expecting nothing much out of her performance.
Little did anyone know that they had a surprise waiting for them.
Simon Cowell when first saw her, you can see from his face, he wasn't expecting much.
"Im 47, and that's just one side of me" She places her arm on her hips as she circled her hips proudly, when Simon asked.
She's not just kinky, she is also a talented singer.
You can see the faces of the audiences and the judges as she began to sing. Despite her outer appearance, she had an amazing voice which everyone cheered for, even Simon himself began to smile as she began to sing.
I remember when she first sang I Dreamed a Dream, it shocked not just Britain, but also American media as well. I remember sitting in the chair one day in high school and seeing her amazing performance, and I don't even watch television.
Speaking of Britain's Got Talent, there was another individual who I admired and loved a lot that performed on the show. Her name is Connie Talbot.(click the link to watch her performance) She sang the song, somewhere over the rainbow, and was complimented by Simon Cowell that she was "pure magic". She was young, but she wasn't shy to express her talent. (She also got her own website, what?!) I really did admire her bravery in making it through the finals.
(She even went on Ellen DeGeneres Show! apparently she started singing at 12 month old! Singing to Wizard of Oz)
Although she made it to the finals, she didn't end up winning, but that didn't stop her. Cowell later helped her sign into a record deal, however sadly, after a short time was let go because of her age (she was sadly too young to be in the music industry).
But she didn't stop there, she continued to sing, even till now.
Here are a few of her songs she's debuting, or covering. She's got an amazing voice, even now.
Connie Talbot - Fireflies
Connie Talbot - Let It Go
Connie Talbot - Count On Me
and here is one of her originals
Connie Talbot - Inner Beauty
She's beautiful, and an amazing singer, I don't understand why she haven't been discovered yet. She definitely have a lot of potential.
It's actually a bit surprising after looking her up through her Youtube channel, most of her audiences were mostly in Asia more than in the west. Since 2013, she's been to China on tour 4 times, while I don't think she's ever toured in America once, sadly. She's done interview in China, in Korea, and in many other Asia countries, and her albums have been sold Asia wide and even made it into the charts, but not here. Which is a bit confusing for me to understand.
Despite all in all, personally I would love to meet her in person and interview her. And if anything go to one of her tour concerts. Hopefully one day her fame will make it here to America! Keep up the good work Connie!
So Susan, an originally 47 year old unemployed a Scottish singer went onto the show, with many audiences expecting nothing much out of her performance.
Little did anyone know that they had a surprise waiting for them.
Simon Cowell when first saw her, you can see from his face, he wasn't expecting much.
"Im 47, and that's just one side of me" She places her arm on her hips as she circled her hips proudly, when Simon asked.
She's not just kinky, she is also a talented singer.
You can see the faces of the audiences and the judges as she began to sing. Despite her outer appearance, she had an amazing voice which everyone cheered for, even Simon himself began to smile as she began to sing.
Boyle's first album, I Dreamed a Dream, was released on 23 November 2009.The album includes covers of "Wild Horses" and "You'll See" as well as "I Dreamed a Dream", and "Cry Me a River". I Dreamed a Dream became Amazon.com's best-selling album in pre-sales on 4 September 2009, nearly three months before the scheduled release. In Britain, Boyle's debut album was recognized as the fastest selling UK debut album of all time selling 411,820 copies, beating the previous fastest selling debut of all time, Spirit by Leona Lewis. I Dreamed a Dream also outsold the rest of the top 5 albums combined in its first week. (Wikipedia)So why did I bring up Susan Boyle today? Coming across Yahoo! I saw an link to Susan Boyle's make over plus photo session and it was stunning. Someone who in the beginning was pratically a nobody, someone who others thought was just another old woman trying to do the impossible became famous because she wasn't afraid to show her talent, wasn't afraid to go out there.
I remember when she first sang I Dreamed a Dream, it shocked not just Britain, but also American media as well. I remember sitting in the chair one day in high school and seeing her amazing performance, and I don't even watch television.
Speaking of Britain's Got Talent, there was another individual who I admired and loved a lot that performed on the show. Her name is Connie Talbot.(click the link to watch her performance) She sang the song, somewhere over the rainbow, and was complimented by Simon Cowell that she was "pure magic". She was young, but she wasn't shy to express her talent. (She also got her own website, what?!) I really did admire her bravery in making it through the finals.
Although she made it to the finals, she didn't end up winning, but that didn't stop her. Cowell later helped her sign into a record deal, however sadly, after a short time was let go because of her age (she was sadly too young to be in the music industry).
But she didn't stop there, she continued to sing, even till now.
Here are a few of her songs she's debuting, or covering. She's got an amazing voice, even now.
Connie Talbot - Fireflies
Connie Talbot - Let It Go
Connie Talbot - Count On Me
and here is one of her originals
Connie Talbot - Inner Beauty
She's beautiful, and an amazing singer, I don't understand why she haven't been discovered yet. She definitely have a lot of potential.
 |
| Her Interview in 2013 |
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Half of the story, the whole truth before the relationship. The lies and dishonesty.
So I created a new blog, a blog about my break up with my ex, but then reading through my old blog here "la douleur" today, I realize something. That there are a lot of stuff I have already realized early on but never changed about myself. To me, once I get it, I tend to forget how much pain I was in, and how hard I worked for to get it, that once it's in my hand, I just take it for granted, and then later regret it.
My Blog: Επόμενος
And honestly, it's scary and it's sad. Maybe that is why Pablo (a nickname I been using on my other blog to talk about my most recent boyfriend, because I don't want to use real name on the online blog), broke up with me. Because it's such a repetitive pattern, and all there is is pain time after time. Each time we said things are going to be better, it may go better for a little bit in the beginning and then it goes back to the way it was.
And now he doesn't trust the things I say, and what I do behind his back because I gave him an uncomfortable reason to trust me from the start. Truth, honest truth is, I cannot blame him. I have cheated on him behind his back ever since the beginning even before we started dating, and going out, even before we declared our relationship when we were chasing each other.
I was flirting with other guys, and I was making out here and there, to my heart's content, and it is by far the dumbest thing, which I do truly regret. All those guys I made out with, all those guys I cheated on him with, they were just bad people, people who didn't want to commit, who didn't love me for me, or care about me much, but rather just doing it for the heck of doing it. Yet I was fine with that, not thinking about how much Pablo would be hurt if he knew about all the things I did. Heck, if he ever finds out about all the things I did, there wouldn't ever be a second chance in life I would be able to get back with him, or even talk to him or be in the same room with him ever again. I would most likely be dead to him.
Even though he is the only person who probably knows most about my life, he is also the person who doesn't know a lot of things I did behind his back, and so his guts telling him not to trust me is probably right. Look at how currpted I am, and the ways I am treating him. It's not right, and I don't deserve him.
All he ever does is try to make me happy and all i ever do is try to piss him off because its kind of funny and cute to see him getting jealous over nothing, to see him getting upset. I have some issues.
It started from when we first met around late March, early April. We started talking more and more because of campaigning for student government, and from there got closer and closer I guess. And with the high hormone self, I go all out and try to flirt with everyone. I remember initially I was trying to get at another guy who was running for student government in our group of slate. But then he was too hard to get (and later I realize he is too young to get, barely 18, and not to mention one huge pothaed) and so instead I got someone else reeled in on my fishing hook instead by accident. I mean it isn't bad or anything, but I didn't intentionally get him (and he doesn't know that).
During the campaign period, I was actually still crushing hard on that one guy, let's call him Brian. But Brian was too busy to notice, he was smart don't get me wrong, he was also super good looking, and his green eyes are to die for! But hey, it didn't work out for a good reason, because pot head, no thank you. Although we did go on a retreat to Santa Barbara together, and I did end up kissing on on the side of the mouth (out of a dare on one of the nights).
Anyways, during late March, early April, I went a Spring Conference and there was a night dance afterwards, where everyone got all hot and sweaty. And there were two guys in particular that was short of chasing after me, or in a sense trying to get at me. One Hispanic and one Asian, and as a Asian person, I was of course more turned on by the Asian. And on the dance floor, although both did dance with me, the Hispanic one snagged me first, then the Asian one, but ultimately I slipped out of the Hispanic one's hand to be with the Asian one. (Let's call the Asian one Samsung).
So Samsung and I danced, pretty much rest of the night, and during one of our last songs we danced to, the floor got crazy, and our face got close, hormones got high, and kissed (with tongue and everything), my heart was racing fast, adrenaline was rushing, was turned on, and thirsty for some making out.
It wasn't hard to get some when I wanted some I guess, although I was surprised because there were girls who were prettier than me on the dance floor who didn't get hit on at all. Definitely some weird shit. And one of the people who saw it was soon going to be the one who's going to make me regret doing it, but we can talk about him later. (lets give him a nickname of Lee)
Anyways, he followed me up back to the hotel later,I mean but then the good me didn't want anything to happen, because here may be the plot twist, but I was still in a relationship with Daniel (my ex ex, my second boyfriend) when this all happened ( I didn't even remember any of this till just now, oh shit. I was in really deep shit then. Because I recall phoning Daniel when I was at the hotel during Spring Conference).
Anyways, what the hell am I talking about, the good me shouldn't have even been crushing on other people here and there, and the good me shouldn't even been flirting with other guys to begin with. What the hell, I can't believe I been playing innocent for this long, and I can't believe I have never been caught playing innocent.
People say karma will get you like a bitch, I guess it is coming. All will shit bricks when it comes. Sigh. I been an ass my whole life, I don't know how I am getting so much good blessings in my life for me to be this much ass-y and still get by with it with good people around me. Just exactly how much blessings did I collect in my past life to get this far*(1)?
I treated my first boyfriend like crap over and over, and he still comes back to me. I treated my second one like crap, and he still stuck around for a while, although he is pretty demanding. Then my third boyfriend, well he tolerated me until he can't anymore, which was still a damn long time. I must have collected a lot of blessing for all that to happen. Or maybe they're just stupid to be stuck with me, or maybe I am just lucky, and am going to run out of luck soon if I keep abusing it like that (knock on wood, lets hope not).
But going back to my story, nothing much happened, and the next day, before we departed back to Los Angeles again, he hung with me for a bit, and literally right right before we left, I used toe excuse of getting our president water to go back in the lobby, Samsung and I kissed once more in the lobby (I think our club secretary and internal vice president saw it at that time when they were coming out of the gift shop, but I was too embarrassed to ask what they actually saw, all i know is they saw us getting friendly, but that was it, thank god we weren't close enough for them to spread the rumors around haha). God, the adrenaline just gets me each time. And it's really not like I like him or anything, well maybe I was interested in him, but that was it, it was more of the at the moment thing if anything.
We went back to our lives after, and you know as long as I remember being at the community college I was in, I never really revealed to many that I had a boyfriend, and so most of the time, I was dishonest and told everyone I was single. So besides my high school friends, none of my college friends knew that I had a boyfriend at the time, which makes cheating and flirting a lot easier. And because none of Daniel's friends goes to the community college I go to (well, barely anyways, and if any, they're all fobs, so we don't ever run into each other, thank god), so cheating wasn't a problem if anything. But of course with the way I act during a relationship, having two relationship at the same time will be impossible.
Daniel and I didn't officially break up until sometime in June I believe, or May. Whenever Spring banquet was, was the time where Daniel and I broke up. I can't seem to remember the exact date, but damn, speaking of which, I have two break ups in June now with two different guys. One a year ago, and another one this year. The only difference is there is nobody to replace this one, and I really don't' want anyone to replace this one this time.
I don't know why, but there was something about the photo shoot that makes me remember that memory more in particular than any other ones, maybe it was because he mentioned it to me that he remembers that one or something I don't know. I think it was because he said that he didn't really start noticing me until the photo shoot time. Perhaps the way I dressed or something somewhere along the line? I don't recall much.
Whatever.
But when we truly got close was when my car battery didn't work, due to connection problems. And that day he was with me I guess in the beginning we were working on campaigning together or something, and then he walked me to my car or something, and right when he was going to leave I realize my car battery didn't work, and so I borrowed his phone to call my parents, and I think his phone was dying, and mine already died or something like that.
And then my parents, being the parents they're told me that they weren't going to come and told me to figure it all out myself. And being a child with no knowledge of how to fix my car, besides being told the instruction of whacking my car with a tweaser, I find it hard to repair my car.
Originally he took me to the IT build to the auto mechanic place first, with them saying that the car will have to be brought there in order for them to do anything, and with the circumstance of the car, it was impossible to bring it anywhere.
So next we went to the campus police, or we called, and they said that they no longer help jump cars. And lastly we went to his people, the engineering friends he had, and I think we went to a dude named Brent (yeah he is probably the only guy I will put out real name to, but I doubt he will ever find this blog so it's okay). But anyways, he had jump cords and offered to help, and sure enough we walked to his car, then drove to my car to try to jump it but no matter what, nothing worked. And I guess we (Pablo and I) ended up sitting on the side of the parking lot entrance after parting and thanking Brent for helping us. Then I called my parents again, and finally this time they agree to come and look at the problem.
And somehow my mom ended up just whacking it and it worked on the first try, I was like what the hell, how did she. And Pablo was shocked too, I remember he said, "Wow, I learned something today, that when the car won't start, you can try whacking your battery for it to work." And my mom told us that it was connection problem and then it got awkward because I was suppose to leave the same time as my mom, I guess, but then I wanted to thank Pablo and stuff too, so then I told my mom to go first while I said I was going to drive Pablo to his car.
Which I think I did end up driving him to his car, and then gave him a prolonged hug, thanking him for everything. And that's how we truly started, Pablo and I. Or at least the earliest memories of us being super close.
According to him, we were getting close already via facebook message, but from my memories alone, I think we didn't talk into much depth, he said we did talk about my parents, my sister and all that, but I tell everyone that, and I complain so much that I guess to me it didn't seem like that much. But maybe my memories got fabricated too, so I don't know honestly which is which.
But then agreeably that's where we both agreed where it truly started. He felt emotionally closer to me because he saw the side of me that weren't usually shown to people, the vulnerable side of my who cries, and was weak because nobody was able to help. He saw the pain that I lived through half of my life, the tears of a little girl. Something that many never seen, and honestly something that my first and second boyfriend didn't seen until late. I guess Pablo was something else.
That day was the beginning of the reign, beginning of hope and prolong hugging. It was the start of everything (and yes, I was still with Daniel then).
To me, little flirting doesn't hurt anyone. To me, little flirting, with enough control, will not lead to other things. To me, little flirting, is just to live in the moment, and nothing more. To me, it was a harmless thing.
Who knew that little feeling, that butterfly feeling, that heart skipping, mood jumping moment soon lead to many more unexpected things.
Who knew it lead to more prolonged hugs, lead to longer hugs, hugs that were dry humping, hugs that lasted a few hours, hugs that I didn't want to end, hugs that made my heart skip. And soon, a hug that led to a kiss that soon turned into penis touching, boob touching, and a relationship that lasted 9 month.
But I will save that for my next post.
Until next time.
=====
1.* so upon Asian superstition, especially the Buddhist believed that how well you're living this life is due to how well you acted last life. So for say, if in your past life, you did a lot of good deed and suffered a lot, in the next coming life, which will be this life, you will be living in lots of blessings. And vise versa, if you acted terribly and been a horrible person in your past life, in your next life, you might just end up on the street or something like that. So it's all about give and take, what you give is what you get, and you know, growing your own fruit of life, etc. But of course, for you to believe that you also have to believe in reincarnation.
My Blog: Επόμενος
And honestly, it's scary and it's sad. Maybe that is why Pablo (a nickname I been using on my other blog to talk about my most recent boyfriend, because I don't want to use real name on the online blog), broke up with me. Because it's such a repetitive pattern, and all there is is pain time after time. Each time we said things are going to be better, it may go better for a little bit in the beginning and then it goes back to the way it was.
And now he doesn't trust the things I say, and what I do behind his back because I gave him an uncomfortable reason to trust me from the start. Truth, honest truth is, I cannot blame him. I have cheated on him behind his back ever since the beginning even before we started dating, and going out, even before we declared our relationship when we were chasing each other.
I was flirting with other guys, and I was making out here and there, to my heart's content, and it is by far the dumbest thing, which I do truly regret. All those guys I made out with, all those guys I cheated on him with, they were just bad people, people who didn't want to commit, who didn't love me for me, or care about me much, but rather just doing it for the heck of doing it. Yet I was fine with that, not thinking about how much Pablo would be hurt if he knew about all the things I did. Heck, if he ever finds out about all the things I did, there wouldn't ever be a second chance in life I would be able to get back with him, or even talk to him or be in the same room with him ever again. I would most likely be dead to him.
Even though he is the only person who probably knows most about my life, he is also the person who doesn't know a lot of things I did behind his back, and so his guts telling him not to trust me is probably right. Look at how currpted I am, and the ways I am treating him. It's not right, and I don't deserve him.
All he ever does is try to make me happy and all i ever do is try to piss him off because its kind of funny and cute to see him getting jealous over nothing, to see him getting upset. I have some issues.
It started from when we first met around late March, early April. We started talking more and more because of campaigning for student government, and from there got closer and closer I guess. And with the high hormone self, I go all out and try to flirt with everyone. I remember initially I was trying to get at another guy who was running for student government in our group of slate. But then he was too hard to get (and later I realize he is too young to get, barely 18, and not to mention one huge pothaed) and so instead I got someone else reeled in on my fishing hook instead by accident. I mean it isn't bad or anything, but I didn't intentionally get him (and he doesn't know that).
During the campaign period, I was actually still crushing hard on that one guy, let's call him Brian. But Brian was too busy to notice, he was smart don't get me wrong, he was also super good looking, and his green eyes are to die for! But hey, it didn't work out for a good reason, because pot head, no thank you. Although we did go on a retreat to Santa Barbara together, and I did end up kissing on on the side of the mouth (out of a dare on one of the nights).
Anyways, during late March, early April, I went a Spring Conference and there was a night dance afterwards, where everyone got all hot and sweaty. And there were two guys in particular that was short of chasing after me, or in a sense trying to get at me. One Hispanic and one Asian, and as a Asian person, I was of course more turned on by the Asian. And on the dance floor, although both did dance with me, the Hispanic one snagged me first, then the Asian one, but ultimately I slipped out of the Hispanic one's hand to be with the Asian one. (Let's call the Asian one Samsung).
So Samsung and I danced, pretty much rest of the night, and during one of our last songs we danced to, the floor got crazy, and our face got close, hormones got high, and kissed (with tongue and everything), my heart was racing fast, adrenaline was rushing, was turned on, and thirsty for some making out.
It wasn't hard to get some when I wanted some I guess, although I was surprised because there were girls who were prettier than me on the dance floor who didn't get hit on at all. Definitely some weird shit. And one of the people who saw it was soon going to be the one who's going to make me regret doing it, but we can talk about him later. (lets give him a nickname of Lee)
Anyways, he followed me up back to the hotel later,I mean but then the good me didn't want anything to happen, because here may be the plot twist, but I was still in a relationship with Daniel (my ex ex, my second boyfriend) when this all happened ( I didn't even remember any of this till just now, oh shit. I was in really deep shit then. Because I recall phoning Daniel when I was at the hotel during Spring Conference).
Anyways, what the hell am I talking about, the good me shouldn't have even been crushing on other people here and there, and the good me shouldn't even been flirting with other guys to begin with. What the hell, I can't believe I been playing innocent for this long, and I can't believe I have never been caught playing innocent.
People say karma will get you like a bitch, I guess it is coming. All will shit bricks when it comes. Sigh. I been an ass my whole life, I don't know how I am getting so much good blessings in my life for me to be this much ass-y and still get by with it with good people around me. Just exactly how much blessings did I collect in my past life to get this far*(1)?
I treated my first boyfriend like crap over and over, and he still comes back to me. I treated my second one like crap, and he still stuck around for a while, although he is pretty demanding. Then my third boyfriend, well he tolerated me until he can't anymore, which was still a damn long time. I must have collected a lot of blessing for all that to happen. Or maybe they're just stupid to be stuck with me, or maybe I am just lucky, and am going to run out of luck soon if I keep abusing it like that (knock on wood, lets hope not).
But going back to my story, nothing much happened, and the next day, before we departed back to Los Angeles again, he hung with me for a bit, and literally right right before we left, I used toe excuse of getting our president water to go back in the lobby, Samsung and I kissed once more in the lobby (I think our club secretary and internal vice president saw it at that time when they were coming out of the gift shop, but I was too embarrassed to ask what they actually saw, all i know is they saw us getting friendly, but that was it, thank god we weren't close enough for them to spread the rumors around haha). God, the adrenaline just gets me each time. And it's really not like I like him or anything, well maybe I was interested in him, but that was it, it was more of the at the moment thing if anything.
We went back to our lives after, and you know as long as I remember being at the community college I was in, I never really revealed to many that I had a boyfriend, and so most of the time, I was dishonest and told everyone I was single. So besides my high school friends, none of my college friends knew that I had a boyfriend at the time, which makes cheating and flirting a lot easier. And because none of Daniel's friends goes to the community college I go to (well, barely anyways, and if any, they're all fobs, so we don't ever run into each other, thank god), so cheating wasn't a problem if anything. But of course with the way I act during a relationship, having two relationship at the same time will be impossible.
Daniel and I didn't officially break up until sometime in June I believe, or May. Whenever Spring banquet was, was the time where Daniel and I broke up. I can't seem to remember the exact date, but damn, speaking of which, I have two break ups in June now with two different guys. One a year ago, and another one this year. The only difference is there is nobody to replace this one, and I really don't' want anyone to replace this one this time.
I don't know why, but there was something about the photo shoot that makes me remember that memory more in particular than any other ones, maybe it was because he mentioned it to me that he remembers that one or something I don't know. I think it was because he said that he didn't really start noticing me until the photo shoot time. Perhaps the way I dressed or something somewhere along the line? I don't recall much.
Whatever.
But when we truly got close was when my car battery didn't work, due to connection problems. And that day he was with me I guess in the beginning we were working on campaigning together or something, and then he walked me to my car or something, and right when he was going to leave I realize my car battery didn't work, and so I borrowed his phone to call my parents, and I think his phone was dying, and mine already died or something like that.
And then my parents, being the parents they're told me that they weren't going to come and told me to figure it all out myself. And being a child with no knowledge of how to fix my car, besides being told the instruction of whacking my car with a tweaser, I find it hard to repair my car.
Originally he took me to the IT build to the auto mechanic place first, with them saying that the car will have to be brought there in order for them to do anything, and with the circumstance of the car, it was impossible to bring it anywhere.
So next we went to the campus police, or we called, and they said that they no longer help jump cars. And lastly we went to his people, the engineering friends he had, and I think we went to a dude named Brent (yeah he is probably the only guy I will put out real name to, but I doubt he will ever find this blog so it's okay). But anyways, he had jump cords and offered to help, and sure enough we walked to his car, then drove to my car to try to jump it but no matter what, nothing worked. And I guess we (Pablo and I) ended up sitting on the side of the parking lot entrance after parting and thanking Brent for helping us. Then I called my parents again, and finally this time they agree to come and look at the problem.
And somehow my mom ended up just whacking it and it worked on the first try, I was like what the hell, how did she. And Pablo was shocked too, I remember he said, "Wow, I learned something today, that when the car won't start, you can try whacking your battery for it to work." And my mom told us that it was connection problem and then it got awkward because I was suppose to leave the same time as my mom, I guess, but then I wanted to thank Pablo and stuff too, so then I told my mom to go first while I said I was going to drive Pablo to his car.
Which I think I did end up driving him to his car, and then gave him a prolonged hug, thanking him for everything. And that's how we truly started, Pablo and I. Or at least the earliest memories of us being super close.
According to him, we were getting close already via facebook message, but from my memories alone, I think we didn't talk into much depth, he said we did talk about my parents, my sister and all that, but I tell everyone that, and I complain so much that I guess to me it didn't seem like that much. But maybe my memories got fabricated too, so I don't know honestly which is which.
But then agreeably that's where we both agreed where it truly started. He felt emotionally closer to me because he saw the side of me that weren't usually shown to people, the vulnerable side of my who cries, and was weak because nobody was able to help. He saw the pain that I lived through half of my life, the tears of a little girl. Something that many never seen, and honestly something that my first and second boyfriend didn't seen until late. I guess Pablo was something else.
That day was the beginning of the reign, beginning of hope and prolong hugging. It was the start of everything (and yes, I was still with Daniel then).
To me, little flirting doesn't hurt anyone. To me, little flirting, with enough control, will not lead to other things. To me, little flirting, is just to live in the moment, and nothing more. To me, it was a harmless thing.
Who knew that little feeling, that butterfly feeling, that heart skipping, mood jumping moment soon lead to many more unexpected things.
Who knew it lead to more prolonged hugs, lead to longer hugs, hugs that were dry humping, hugs that lasted a few hours, hugs that I didn't want to end, hugs that made my heart skip. And soon, a hug that led to a kiss that soon turned into penis touching, boob touching, and a relationship that lasted 9 month.
But I will save that for my next post.
Until next time.
=====
1.* so upon Asian superstition, especially the Buddhist believed that how well you're living this life is due to how well you acted last life. So for say, if in your past life, you did a lot of good deed and suffered a lot, in the next coming life, which will be this life, you will be living in lots of blessings. And vise versa, if you acted terribly and been a horrible person in your past life, in your next life, you might just end up on the street or something like that. So it's all about give and take, what you give is what you get, and you know, growing your own fruit of life, etc. But of course, for you to believe that you also have to believe in reincarnation.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
06.17.2015 Regrets, Loss, And Grief (下一頁的我)
下一頁的我
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| Thank you for waking up at 5am to take me to the airport one last time after our breakup. Despite everything that have happened you are still nice to me, I don't deserve you. |
Written on 07/02/201506說想你，說我以前沒有好好的珍惜你都太晚了。我們已經都變成過去式了。說聲對不起只能填一填傷口的結疤。要是我真的覺得你有那麼重要那我就不會那麼不尊重你的一言一語，我也不會對你大驚小怪的。實話說的直一點，你已經給過我不知道多少機會了。而我只把你說的都當成耳邊風。我以為我們是一輩子的，但是我都沒發覺你有多麼多麼的不快樂。我不知道我傷了你多少次了你還是會默默的原諒我。我回想了一下，你到底是看上我的那裡？我很愛罵你，很愛在你前面說你的壞話，什麼是我都經常說是你的錯，還愛說一些讓你感受到沒安全感的話。害你自尊心都悲傷了，安全感也沒了，還要逼的跟我嗆，而且還要被我臭罵一頓。我看起來真的不值得你的原諒。在一起那麼久了，我還沒有自己知覺，真的很想揍自己。你實實都依著我，我想去哪裡，我想做什麼事你都陪我，我要辦事時要是你有空你會陪我，我很無聊想要聊天時，要是你能，你也會用你保貴的時間來陪我在電話上聊天，或者陪我簡訊一整天要是你沒空的話。你讓我踩在你的頭上，讓我每次都不知不覺的踩的太過頭，害你感到悲哀跟傷痛。現在的我，有什麼資格要求你回到我的身邊？現在的我哪有什麼資格再問你願不願意跟我再重新開始？整個墨西哥的程旅滿腦子都是你，都在回想我們做過的事，我們說過的話，我們在一起的時候，然後我就會坐在角落單單和回想跟自責。自責當初沒有好好的對你，沒有好好的珍惜你。現在已經太晚了。像那首歌說的一樣，好的事情也總然需要結束。可能我們不是命中注定要在一起吧。
我以為我們會走的更遠，我以為我們沒事的，可是我都忘記停一下去看你到底高不高興，看一下我怎麼對待你的。我都估率了你的感受，我只有估率自己的感受。我好恨我當初的決定。愛應該是大方的，是不能逼迫的。有句名言說，要是你愛一個人的話，你就得放他走，要是他寧願回來，那就是屬於你的，可是要是他不回來的話那麼他從原本就不屬於你的，而你得讓他走。我好恨那句詞，因為我不懂為什麼。對我來說，愛一個人是自私的，我怎麼能說放就放？不能啊，哪有那麼簡單啊。尤其是看到對方終於有了個新的女朋友，心裏總是會痛。在嘴巴明明說說會祝他們幸福可是心裏還不是會痛的要命。我真的不懂愛，我也真的不想懂。愛好複雜，好亂。可以讓一個人失去理智，變成白癡，何必勒。我愛唸，愛把每件小事都怪在你的頭上，愛計較，愛跟你吵架，把不需要吵架無理頭的小事都變成大事，小事大鬧。我又愛跟你頂嘴，吵架都非虛我贏，還真的愛跟你吵的每天都你死我活，每天都至少會聽你說對不起，因為你都讓我贏。我好恨自己沒有好好的珍惜你，現在的我，已經太晚了，沒有這個福氣去珍惜你。我好恨自己恨我等了這麼久才發現，才自覺。我恨我當初開始沒對你好。害你每次都得和我道歉，就算是我的錯也是你道歉。在世上沒有一個人能應付我的脾氣。可是你就能，你的溫柔，慈悲，貼心，跟耐心都用在我的身上，而我卻還是欺負你，踏在你的頭上，害你每次受傷。我值得今天的下場，失去你的下場。
現在的我們連朋友都當不成，而當時以前的我們有說不完的話，比好朋友更親。
雖然我們現在連朋友都不如，但願有一天我跟你有緣能再度從新開始，但願你有一天會回頭再給我一次機會讓我好好的對你。好好的愛你。因為現在的我不值得得到你的愛。現在的我已經失去讓你愛我的資格。17
不屬於我的幸福我還是不要碰不要求，不然最後受傷的還是我。可能這輩子的我不值得擁有幸福。
So I am too lazy to translate it all to english, and asked my friend, Google translate for help, so don't mind some things not making sense...Like you said, that I had not cherish you too late. We have all become past tense. I'm sorry to say only fill a fill wound scarring. If I really think you are so important that I would not be so do not respect your word spoken, I will not have you fuss. Honestly straight point, you've given me a chance I do not know how much. And I say to you all fell on deaf ears. I thought we were a lifetime, but I have not noticed how much you unhappy. I do not know how many times I hurt you or will you forgive me silently. I thought for a moment, I fancy you in the end there? I call you love, love in front of you say bad things, what I have often said to be your fault, but also love to say something that makes you feel insecure words. Harm your self-esteem are sad, there is no sense of security, and also forced to choke me, but also I gave it to be. I look really do not deserve your forgiveness. Together so long, I do not own perception, really wanted to hit himself. Truly you are depending on me, I want to go, I want to do something you are with me, when I want to work, if you have time you will accompany me, I'm bored I want to chat, if you can, you also you will use the valuable time with me on the phone chat, or SMS with me all day if you do not empty words. You let me step on your head, so that every time I unknowingly stepped on too far and hurt you feel sad with grief. Now, I'm asking you what right back to me? Now how can I ask you what qualifications and I would be willing to re-start? Mexico trip full of mind throughout the process are you in retrospect we did, we have said, we were together, and then I'll just sit in the corner and recall with remorse. ERA did not receive proper for you, you do not cherish. Now it is too late. Like the song says, like, good things are always natural need to end.Perhaps we are not destined to be together now.I thought we would go further, I think we all right, but I have forgotten pause to see you in the end high unhappy, look at how I treated you. I estimate the rate of your feelings, I only estimate the rate of their feelings. I Haohen my original decision.Love should be generous, not persecution. There is a saying that if you love someone, you have to let him go, if he would prefer to come back, it is yours, but if he does not come back, then that he had not belong to you, and you have to let him go.I Haohen phrase word, because I do not know why. For me, love a person is selfish, how can I say Fangjiu Fang? Not ah, how so simple ah. Especially to see the other side finally has a new girlfriend, my heart will always be pain. In the mouth will obviously talk about wish them happy but my heart was not hurt terribly.I really do not know love, I really do not want to know. Hobbies complicated mess. Can make a person lose control becomes an idiot, why Le.I love to read, love to blame every little thing in your head, loving care, love quarrel with you, the little things do not need to fight unreasonable head have become a major event, trivial row. I love to talk back to you, quarrel is true I won, really love you quarrel with life and death every day, every day at least to hear you say I'm sorry, because you have to let me win. I Haohen he did not cherish you, now I, too late, you do not have this good fortune to cherish. I hate myself Haohen I waited so long to find it consciously. I hate that I did not start on Hello. Each had to hurt you and I apologize, even if it was my fault but also to apologize to you. No one in the world can cope with my temper. But you can, your gentle, compassionate, caring, and patience are used in my body, but I was still bully you, stepping on your head and kill you every time injury. Today I deserve in the end, you end up losing.Now we can not even friends do not succeed, and then before we have lots to talk about, closer than friends.Although we are not even friends such as, I hope one day I can tell you again destined to start again, I hope one day you will come back to give me a chance to let me have a good for you. Good love you. Because now I do not deserve your love. Now I've lost my qualifications make you love.I do not belong to my happiness was not to touch is not required, or the last thing I was injured. Maybe I do not deserve this life is to have a happy.
====Then there's the Greek verison I google translated for fun.06 Όπως είπατε, ότι δεν είχα να σας αγαπάμε πάρα πολύ αργά. Έχουμε γίνει όλοι σε παρελθόντα χρόνο. Λυπάμαι να πω μόνο γεμίσει ένα ουλές πλήρωσης τραύματος. Εάν πραγματικά νομίζετε ότι είναι τόσο σημαντικό το γεγονός ότι δεν θα ήμουν έτσι δεν σέβονται τον λόγο σου μιλήσει, δεν θα έχετε φασαρία. Ειλικρινά ευθεία το σημείο, έχετε μου δίνεται η ευκαιρία δεν ξέρω πόσο. Και λέω σε όλους σας έπεσε σε κουφά αυτιά. Νόμιζα ότι ήταν μια ζωή, αλλά δεν έχω παρατηρήσει πόσο δυστυχισμένο. Δεν ξέρω πόσες φορές έχω να σας βλάψει ή θα με συγχωρήσετε σιωπηλά. Σκέφτηκα για μια στιγμή, θα σας άρεσε η ιδέα στο τέλος εκεί; Καλώ αγαπώ, αγάπη μπροστά σας πω άσχημα πράγματα, αυτό που έχω πει πολλές φορές ότι είναι το ελάττωμά σας, αλλά και την αγάπη για να πω κάτι που θα σας κάνει να αισθάνονται ανασφαλείς λέξεις. Βλάψει την αυτοεκτίμησή σας είναι λυπηρό, δεν υπάρχει καμία αίσθηση της ασφάλειας, καθώς επίσης και αναγκάστηκαν να μου πνίξει, αλλά επίσης μου έδωσε να είναι. Περιμένω πραγματικά δεν αξίζουν συγχώρεση σας. Μαζί τόσο καιρό, εγώ δεν κάνω τη δική της αντίληψη, πραγματικά ήθελε να χτυπήσει τον εαυτό του. Πραγματικά σας ανάλογα με εμένα, θέλω να πάω, θέλω να κάνω κάτι που είναι μαζί μου, όταν θέλω να εργαστώ, αν έχετε χρόνο, θα με συνοδεύσει, βαριέμαι θέλω να συνομιλήσετε, αν μπορείτε, επίσης, θα χρησιμοποιήσει τον πολύτιμο χρόνο τους μαζί μου για το chat του τηλεφώνου, SMS ή μαζί μου όλη την ημέρα αν δεν κενά λόγια. Μπορείτε επιτρέψτε μου βήμα στο κεφάλι σας, έτσι ώστε κάθε φορά που εν αγνοία τους πάτησε πολύ μακριά και να βλάψουν αισθάνεστε λυπημένος με θλίψη. Τώρα, σας ρωτάω τι ακριβώς πίσω σε μένα; Τώρα, πώς μπορώ να σας ρωτήσω ποια είναι τα προσόντα και θα ήμουν πρόθυμος να ξαναρχίσουν; Μεξικό ταξίδι γεμάτο νου καθ 'όλη τη διαδικασία που είναι εκ των υστέρων κάναμε, είπαμε, ήμασταν μαζί, και στη συνέχεια θα καθίσει ακριβώς στη γωνία και να υπενθυμίσει με τύψεις. ΕΧΕ δεν λαμβάνουν την κατάλληλη για εσάς, δεν αγαπάμε. Τώρα είναι πολύ αργά. Όπως λέει το τραγούδι, όπως, τα καλά πράγματα είναι πάντα φυσική ανάγκη να τερματιστεί.Ίσως δεν προορίζονται να είναι μαζί τώρα.Νόμιζα ότι θα προχωρήσουμε περαιτέρω, νομίζω ότι όλοι δίκιο, αλλά έχω ξεχάσει παύση να σας δούμε στο τέλος υψηλή δυστυχισμένο, κοιτάξτε πώς θα αντιμετωπίζονται. Εκτιμώ ότι ο ρυθμός των συναισθημάτων σας, το μόνο που εκτιμούν το ποσοστό των συναισθημάτων τους. Έχω Haohen αρχική απόφασή μου.Η αγάπη πρέπει να είναι γενναιόδωρη, δεν διώξεις. Υπάρχει ένα ρητό που λέει ότι αν αγαπάς κάποιον, θα πρέπει να τον αφήσει να πάει, αν θα προτιμούσε να έρθει πίσω, είναι δική σας, αλλά αν δεν έρθει πίσω, τότε που δεν είχε ανήκει σε σας, και θα πρέπει να τον αφήσει πάει.Έχω Haohen φράση λέξη, γιατί δεν ξέρω γιατί. Για μένα, η αγάπη ένα πρόσωπο είναι εγωιστής, πώς μπορώ να πω Fangjiu Fang; Δεν Αχ, πώς τόσο απλό Αχ. Ειδικά για να δείτε την άλλη πλευρά έχει τελικά μια νέα κοπέλα, η καρδιά μου θα είναι πάντα πόνο. Στο στόμα θα μιλήσει προφανώς για να τους ευχηθώ ευχάριστη θέση, αλλά η καρδιά μου δεν ήταν κακό τρομερά.Πραγματικά δεν ξέρω την αγάπη, εγώ πραγματικά δεν θέλουν να ξέρουν. Ενδιαφέροντα περίπλοκη χάος. Μπορεί να κάνει ένα άτομο να χάσει τον έλεγχο γίνεται ένας ηλίθιος, γιατί Le.Μου αρέσει να διαβάζω, αγαπούν να κατηγορούν κάθε μικρό πράγμα στο κεφάλι σας, μεράκι, αγάπη διαμάχη μαζί σου, τα μικρά πράγματα δεν χρειάζεται να αγωνιστούμε παράλογο κεφάλι έχουν γίνει ένα σημαντικό γεγονός, ασήμαντες σειρά. Μου αρέσει να μιλήσω μαζί σας, η διαμάχη είναι αλήθεια ότι κέρδισε, πραγματικά αγαπώ τσακωθεί με τη ζωή και το θάνατο κάθε μέρα, κάθε μέρα τουλάχιστον να σας ακούσω να πω ότι λυπάμαι, γιατί θα πρέπει να επιτρέψτε μου να κερδίσει. Έχω Haohen ότι δεν σας αγαπάμε, τώρα, πολύ αργά, δεν έχετε αυτήν την καλή τύχη να αγαπάμε. Μισώ τον εαυτό μου Haohen Περίμενα τόσο καιρό να το βρείτε συνειδητά. Μισώ ότι δεν είχα ξεκινήσει στο Hello. Ο καθένας είχε να σας βλάψει και ζητώ συγγνώμη, ακόμη και αν ήταν δικό μου λάθος, αλλά επίσης να ζητήσω συγνώμη από εσάς. Κανείς στον κόσμο δεν μπορεί να αντιμετωπίσει με ψυχραιμία μου. Αλλά μπορείτε, σας απαλή, συμπονετικός, φροντίδα και υπομονή χρησιμοποιούνται στο σώμα μου, αλλά ήμουν ακόμα νταής σας, πάτησε το κεφάλι σας και να σας σκοτώσει κάθε φορά τραυματισμό. Σήμερα αξίζει στο τέλος, θα καταλήξετε να χάσει.Τώρα δεν μπορούμε ακόμη και τους φίλους δεν τα καταφέρουμε, και στη συνέχεια, πριν έχουμε πολλά να συζητήσουμε, πιο κοντά από ό, τι οι φίλοι.Αν και δεν είμαστε ακόμα φίλοι, όπως, ελπίζω μια μέρα να σας πω και πάλι προορίζονται για να ξεκινήσει και πάλι, ελπίζω ότι μια μέρα θα έρθει πίσω για να μου δώσει μια ευκαιρία να επιτρέψτε μου να έχουν ένα καλό για σας. Καλή σας αρέσει. Επειδή τώρα δεν αξίζει την αγάπη σας. Τώρα έχω χάσει τα προσόντα μου σας κάνουν να αγαπήσετε.Δεν ανήκω στην ευτυχία μου δεν ήταν να αγγίξει δεν απαιτείται, ή το τελευταίο πράγμα που τραυματίστηκε. Ίσως δεν αξίζω αυτή τη ζωή είναι να έχουμε μια ευτυχισμένη.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
The Final Break Up, The Change. Everything will be different from now
This blog, I call it ℓα ∂συℓєυя
, meaning "the pain", expresses the pains and struggle of my life.
This blog is my outlet to things I can't normally complain to others, the
things I have time to write about in life. Sometimes random, other times on
things I just can't figure out on my own. This is like the place where I
brainstorm, the place where I think and ponder about life and my decisions in
life. Often, about my family and recently, it have been all about my love, my
relationships as of latest. Sadly, due to my busy-ness, I haven't been writing
very much here, instead I write in my personal journal, which also helped me
self discover myself.
The tricky
thing about writing online is trying to keep myself away from real life people
who actually know me, that's why sometimes I would unconsciously put my name or
someone else's name in by accident. Something my journal wouldn't cause the
risk if I don't end up letting it land on the wrong hands of course.
But
anyways, I been living my life as a pessimistic person, thinking that
everyone's going to turn out for the worst if they head for the worst, and etc.
It wasn't until recently when I began dating this guy that made me realize the positivity
of life. Living believe in the negative things for my whole life, changing
a perspective seems nearly impossible but he finally made an impact on me. When
he broke up with me (my present), that's when he tapped the glass box I was in
for the whole 20 years. He tapped the box where I held my belief so dearly that
I don't see all the things people have been telling me for the past 20 years.
I finally started hearing them for
the first time. I mean sure, I hear them every time when they repeat
themselves, when they lecture me and tell me not to do it, but then I would do
it anyways unconsciously because honestly I never reflect on myself. It wasn't
until the break up that I began to reflect on my life, on myself, my
personality and my attitude. No wonder there are a lot of people who doesn't
like me in life, no wonder there are people who aren't willing to talk to me or
look at me a certain way. The way I perceive to others, the way I treat others,
it's really hard for others to get close. Perhaps that's the reason why
although I got elected into student government office with everyone together, I
was the furthest from everyone although everyone were strangers. I was unable
to get close to others like how everyone can, and I didn't understand why, but
I finally do now.
I purposely try to stay far away
from people because sharing emotions, and just truly expressing myself seems to
mainstream. My ex boyfriend before this one complained to me about how I never
shared with him what bothered me. When I cry, when I suffer, when something
happens in my family, I would cry to him in person, cry to him on the phone,
but I wouldn't usually tell him anything, ever. And he told me that one day I'd
be able to find someone who I can truly share all my thoughts and feelings
with, because obviously I don't care about him enough to even share anything. And
perhaps it's true, that even when we broke up, I couldn't share anything with
him, sure there's a part of me who wanted to but I couldn't.
Let's not even start with the ex
before that one, I couldn't even talk about what I want or say what I want around
him because I liked him so much I was way too shy to say anything or express
anything. And of course, I didn't truly accept him for who he was, because he
was in remedial classes and was dumber academically, plus telling me he was
going to the Navy, I broke it off with him because I didn't see a future with
him.
And now, enough with break other
people's heart and feeling, this current one finally took a stand and broke it
off with me. Of course he didn't know the person I was a few years back or probably
he'd long break off with me, and or even worst, never dated me.
But I want to make a change in my
life, like I promised myself. I am going to be his positive "bundle of joy"
(what he used to call me), even if I can't be with him, the next person I am
going to be with wouldn't see the bad side of me, or at least with this much
flaws. I am going to make a lot of changes in my life to ensure I don't stray
from my path again. I would wish everyone would give me prayers this time
around because I didn't realize how much I loved him until I finally lost him.
He was so amazing to me, and yet I keep breaking his heart and feeling, making
him feel uncomfortable when I know he's already feeling insecure. I knew it in
my heart that he was insecure, but deep inside I really liked to see him
feeling insecure because it's so cute when he gets jealous. I love that about
him, him getting jealous, I guess I like guys who gets jealous, but I shouldn't
have let that get out of hands. When my first got with me, he often gets
jealous, or I would make him jealous, I guess its something many girls,
including me like to do , but such a bad hobbit because I know if anyone would
do it to me, I would probably hate it.
But whatever happens, I really don't
know yet, all I know is there will be positive changes. In my heart, I really
don't want to lose him, but if I truly have to then I will. Not saying I will
completely leave his life, because I know I probably won't be able to ever do
that, but slowly leave him until I can one day truly let go.
Letting go is the hardest process of
life, especially when you're so used to someone. This is why I hate
relationships, it's like you build this amazing friendship and suddenly all the
time and effort goes down the drain, when you break up.
Next week I am traveling off, and he
is going to take me to the airport even though he broke up with me. My last
chance to get to talk to him or see him again, properly anyways, as a status of
an true ex girlfriend anyways. When I leave for this trip, things are either
going to work out, or they're not. I wrote it in my letters all the true
feelings I have, along with attaching a journal of my day to day starting from
the break up that I am planning to give to him.
Whether or not he changes his mind
and wants to start over with me, and give us a new start over chance, or not,
its truly up to him. And there's pretty much nothing I can do but to sit down
and pray. People say when you pray hard enough for someone you truly want to
keep, God will hear your pray. Although I don't believe in God, I want to use everything
and anything I got. I like him so much I don't want to lose him. Ever. I am
giving it my all to get this relationship back this time, because there won't
be another break up again. And I hope he believes in that too, and that he
believes in me, and want to give us another chance at it. If not, my friend are
right, I am young, there are chances where I may find better suiters, its just
whether or not I want them or not.
Readers, please pray for me, pray for good things to happen. Pray my boyfriend would understand me and give me another chance to start over.
Monday, June 8, 2015
"I don't want to be in a relationship" talk
I saw this and this definitely explains how I feel. All of it.
He says, “He DOESN’T Want a Relationship” – What Does That Mean?
Posted by Nadine Piat
Ladies listen carefully and never forget this…
When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship it means; HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP now or with you… SIMPLE
A man tells you more about who he is and what he wants in the first two weeks of knowing him than he probably will in the proceeding weeks. And unfortunately most women do not listen and pay attention to these clear indicators.
To all the broken hearted women out there who fell for the unavailable man – cry if you need to, grieve the fantasy, and then quickly move on… to a special and powerful place of self-love and new love.
It’s time to really get this valuable love lesson, and not only for your emotional wellbeing, this lesson will astronomically move you closer to REAL love, the kind of love that feels really good!
NOT… good, bad, good, terrible, painful, good, painful… that’s not how love is supposed to feel.
LOVE TIP: PAY ATTENTION to how a man treats you and what he says, NOT what you WANT to hear or believe.
To make this all the more confusing; some men treat women well in general, even the women they sleep with yet don’t see a future with. Most women assume that because he’s nice to her that he may want something more after all.
A good guy will tell you if he only wants something casual – what you do with that information is the difference between – frustration and hurt AND finding real commitment and love.
Women make a huge mistake by thinking one or more of the following:
- He’ll change his mind once he spends more time with me
- If the sex is good enough and I please him enough he’ll commit to me
- He’ll be ready for a relationship soon and I’ll be right here, cause I’m kind of like his girlfriend anyway
- He’s so nice to me it must mean he likes me
The moment a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, although he likes you enough to hang out, BUT not interested in anything serious is the moment that defines all…
Why would a healthy minded, high value, gorgeous woman hang out with a man when he doesn’t want a relationship, WHEN SHE DOES?
Sometimes the guy really does like you although the timing is terrible, he’s just broken up with someone and/or still emotionally attached. Some men won’t feel ready for commitment when certain areas of their life are not as they would like it to be, such as; not happy with his career, lost his job, not divorced yet, doesn’t feel as though he’s financial successful enough for something serious, etc. It’s still the same thing – he doesn’t feel ready, therefore he’s not wanting a relationship right now.
Thank you
http://healthyyouhealthylove.com/he-says-he-doesnt-want-a-relationship-what-does-that-mean/
Here are my tips for you:
http://healthyyouhealthylove.com/he-says-he-doesnt-want-a-relationship-what-does-that-mean/
Here are my tips for you:
- Thank him for being upfront and honest
- Decide if you want something casual or not
- If you’re open to something casual you must know that that’s what it is. Casual. Nothing more.
- If not, be his friend only. Do not sleep with him. If he wants you in his life he needs to sort himself out.
- Have NO expectations. He may never sort himself or be ready.
- Do NOT fantasize what it be like to be with him – he could be a terrible partner, so do not make up a story of how amazing he is. You don’t know that. Which leads to my next point…
- You have your own life and catch up with him when it suits you only, he is NOT your priority
- Date other men and do this properly, as your priority. Be OPEN to someone who’s ready for a relationship.
- If you cannot spend time with him without having a strong yearning to be with him, or deep down you’re hoping that he’ll change his mind, then don’t see him at all. Women make a good habit or torturing themselves. Do not see him. Move on. You have to trust that if he’s right for you, he will sort himself out and pursue you. Hanging on like a bad smell doesn’t give him space to sort himself out. You’ll still there HANGING ON to whatever he’ll give you.
The man worth your time is a man you will feel good around, safe, secure and appreciated.
A man who’s interested in a relationship with you will:
- Be happy to wait a while before having sex
- Wants to see you during the day, not just at night (or not just for a quickie)
- You may not have sex every time you see him (it’s not all about sex)
- He will want to see you on Friday and/or Saturday nights (before 9pm!)
- After a few months he wants you to meet his friends and family
- He’ll talk about what you can do together in the future
- He’ll introduce you as his girlfriend (not as a “friend”)
So to all of the wonderful women who have fallen for Mr. Non-Commital, the lesson is – Listen and hear what he has said, pay attention to his actions, and when you know something isn’t feeling quite right then it probably isn’t.
Be strong enough to walk away from someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, and do so earlier rather than later.
You’re better off single and available for the right guy, not the guy who you want to be the right guy.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
HE SAID SHE SAID
I feel like everytime when I am finally getting closer to my
boyfriend, I would always end up finding something that I didn’t know that he
did that made me end up feeling uncomfortable again. Honestly, I hate it, and
honestly I hate that he’s doing that. Right when I thought we are closer than
ever, right when I thought that we finally are honest to each other and
faithful, I was scrolling through facebook and one of the picture Mary was
tagged in, Alfonso was holding her hand down by the beach, like what the fuck?
Excuse me? Why the hell are you holding her hand, when in the picture Yoshi was
walking perfectly fine. Shit, if she needs help, Yoshi can help her, you don’t
need to be her shiny knight coming to rescue. Am I being too paranoid
considering he was going on a 5 day catalina trip with a Christian group, and
with people like her, this kind of things should be okay? I don’t know. And I guess
it doesn’t help when he’s bestfriend that’s a girl lets call her Minnie tells
me that he and the other girl let’s call her Megan are way closer and more
intimate than they were. Then Minnie goes on telling me how he gives Megan
intimate tight hugs that last ten minutes, I am just here like what the hell.
On one hand he seems like a trust worthy guy, and on the other hand I hear his
best friend telling me things like this and then go on and tell me not to trust
me. This honestly makes me question a lot of things. I went on one 3 day trip
with Minnie, who I hated for the longest time, or…well not hate, just dislike a
lot, more like jealous over because Minnie and my boyfriend would always be
together, and often more than we ever were together.
I don’t know, something about opposite sex friendship just
don’t really work out so well. And honestly it just doesn’t help when someone
he claims to be close with, someone who he breaks up with me for is telling me
that he flirts a lot with other girls and that he gives long hugs. Honestly what
the hell am I suppose to do when I hear shit like that? I obviously cannot just
ignore it, but honestly I can’t take into account because I haven’t heard his
side of the story, but I feel like no matter what he says I can’t really
believe him because my boyfriend have the tendency to change stories around,
etc.
All these leaves me stuck at the same place. God, I should
really just stop going on facebook and checking out their pictures, because honestly
no matter what I feel like I always end up finding something that my boyfriend
end up not telling me about and me going all anal about it.
I am grateful that I have a blog to release my anger and my
jealousy although I kind of doubt anyone would follow up with this blog and
read it, after all it’s a dumb blog that doesn’t make sense half of the time.
Half of the things I say here doesn’t even make sense because of my inconsistency
and stuff. I should just either move on and find a better boyfriend who doesn’t
do things like that, or I stay and tries to trust him. Because whatever this
is, its not working. Shit. What the hell though, holding a girl’s hand at the
beach? You don’t see me holding someone else’s hand at the beach.
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