I really don't know if I should be happy or sad. I mean to be honest. Today had its balance, but also confusion, argument, anger, depression, jealousy and many other more things. To be honest, today was the true balancing day of my life. I hit the low and I hit the high.
Today started off okay with parents gone and everything, then follow by lunch with brother and brother in law's family. Thing seems all great until going to the autoshop. Parents refuse to pay $101 dollar to fix my bottom plastic bumper thingy that kinda half came off because I hit a dip too hard. I grew attitude, though it's embarrasing probably to them, but they still ignored it. Adrian, a latino who came from Mexico two years or so ago was chatting with me before I got depress and we kinda made a friendship bond. And with that, he helped taped my front thingy with my tape that I brought. So here I am giving Adrian a SPECIAL SHOUT OUT!! THANKS ADRIAN FOR MAKING MY MORNING AND AFTERNOON!!
On the way back, my mom begun to nag about my attitude towards things. How I am not grateful for the things I have, and how much worst my siblings had it, and how wasteful I am with money. I grew angrier and angrier. I told her, "How in the world am I the one who is wasteful? I practically spend money on anything, and I never ask you guys for anything. I don't ask you guys for cell phone, I don't ask you guys for eletronics, I dont ask you guys for toys or games. I don't even complain about what all my friends have that I dont have. Even what all my nieces and nephews have that I dont have. I don't see why you're being like this."
And with that in mind, as we came home, I was already face covered with tears and anger. I waited for everyone to get out of the car and locked the door and grabbed the trashcan up while nagging at my mom's arguement. My dad on the other hand tried to be the peace maker by telling me, "That's not what your mom meant, she just meant since you're a new driver and doesnt know the basics we want you to learn and become stable in dirving first, and when you can drive the car safely I'll buy you and brand new car okay?" That actually soothed a lot of my anger away but I was still offended.
That evening under request I went and crashed guy A and my best friend(B)'s date because I was really depress and didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go home to the place where no warmth existed, no care and no family.B agreed, and I got to say, that was the best decision she ever made. As we hung out, meet point started at B's house, then we met with the guys (A and his friend C) at fluff ice and went on from there. As we finally decided on a restruant, we went only to realize that they didn't go in to save seats for us.
The main point came when by the end of the dinner, A paid for C's meal meanwhile he didnt even think about paying for his date's meal, which was B. B and I literally dropped our jaws in surprise, and just stared at him. Because B and I shared a meal, escencially it is cheaper than C's and yet he didn't think to treat her meal.
B decided to head to a boba place or tea house after to hang out, and while driving there all complaining about how he'd rather treat a friend than a date. And sadly, I had to stand on her side for that. I told B, that she got to be straight forward and tell him how she feels so then he would change for him, because truthfully, that's the same or simliar issue happening between me and current, present. And truth is, I want them to realize a bit earlier so they would get use to it unlike me.
At the end of the whole hangout, I was proud of A as he treated and paid for all of us including me! I was happy, haha but the most importantly, it widened B's eyes. She thought that he would've never changed, and what do you know? He changed! As we headed back to the parking lot, due to my forcement, they begun to hold hands...well, its a start, just hooking hands I guess counts too, since to them holding hands are too awkward. But then as he walks us to our car, I insisted a hug before A heads off, I told B forcefully, "If you two don't hug, I am not going home." So, they hugged, behind a pole to hide, but it was so cute!
I myself got a little jealous, I mean all the courage these two had with each other, I would never have with anyone. I am so jealous of their kind of honest relationship, and jealous of the fact that A changed so much in a day for her. Sigh. Past, current, present, I am confused.
and now out of no where its pouring. sighs. oh raining 11:56pm
It was now I realized, I have techincally never really dated anyone before starting of an relationship, it just someone starts around the time of dating. Sighs.
Showing posts with label hang out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hang out. Show all posts
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Desperation; ℓα ∂συℓєυя
It's amazing how far desperation can take us. Desperation, sometimes leads us to jealousy, sometimes leads so low mean cruel things and tactics you may never or could never imagine. Desperation sometimes leads to disasters, its those that lead us to. What's that phrase called? Uh, desperate time comes desperate needs? Yeah that is the phrase.
Having a friend who is desperate for hangout with guys friends, no way. I guess there's always a reason why i hated her after getting to know her. The feeling wasn't clear until recently, more and more acts tends to show its obviousness when it hits the surface. I tend to question myself at times, what is it that i resemble with her? what is it that cause me to attract such a friend. I mean like they say, you are your friends. There's obviously a bond that keeps you guys together. It may be desperation as well, it may be because we're both desperate for friend, or we are both evil in ways which i tend to hide, but either way, still.
She invites a group of guys, to be exact, three. One straight forward with no thinking of anything else, one is just forward about things and another that is just a plain pervert. I tend to wonder sometimes, why am I in this in the first place. Me and my other friend both disagree to the fact that she was going to invite the three guys, but then I guess in another sense of desperation she invites them anyways. Like come on, me and my friend, lets just call her A, me and A constantly tells her about not wanting to invite them but no matter what she insisted. Then what happens when they come? Disasters. Yeah, disasters. The straightforward one just went off blasting about how crappy the movie we were watching was, the other guy who's just forward on thing said it was boring and he might as well read the manga and then got bored of it. Then there's the pervert talking while harassing the friend B. I really felt like screaming and just leave the house and make them feel awkward and sorry, but i didn't i stayed like a good audience. Mad at friend B, no matter how sorry she was I couldn't forgive her for that, not now, not later. And to make things worst, i actually trusted her enough to reply to her to only find out that she shows my text to other people. Can you believe that? Even I myself couldn't believe such thing. Like come on, if i was complaining about them as a best friend you wouldn't do that to betray each other right? Well I guess I was wrong. and of course things are just too obvious. I hate my life, I have like three paper due on Monday well that's supposingly and since I don't have school that day well cram cram cram! Anyways speaking of that there's always the other things like....HOMEWORK DUE ON TUESDAY. self stab
well until next time..
-remain unnamed.
Having a friend who is desperate for hangout with guys friends, no way. I guess there's always a reason why i hated her after getting to know her. The feeling wasn't clear until recently, more and more acts tends to show its obviousness when it hits the surface. I tend to question myself at times, what is it that i resemble with her? what is it that cause me to attract such a friend. I mean like they say, you are your friends. There's obviously a bond that keeps you guys together. It may be desperation as well, it may be because we're both desperate for friend, or we are both evil in ways which i tend to hide, but either way, still.
She invites a group of guys, to be exact, three. One straight forward with no thinking of anything else, one is just forward about things and another that is just a plain pervert. I tend to wonder sometimes, why am I in this in the first place. Me and my other friend both disagree to the fact that she was going to invite the three guys, but then I guess in another sense of desperation she invites them anyways. Like come on, me and my friend, lets just call her A, me and A constantly tells her about not wanting to invite them but no matter what she insisted. Then what happens when they come? Disasters. Yeah, disasters. The straightforward one just went off blasting about how crappy the movie we were watching was, the other guy who's just forward on thing said it was boring and he might as well read the manga and then got bored of it. Then there's the pervert talking while harassing the friend B. I really felt like screaming and just leave the house and make them feel awkward and sorry, but i didn't i stayed like a good audience. Mad at friend B, no matter how sorry she was I couldn't forgive her for that, not now, not later. And to make things worst, i actually trusted her enough to reply to her to only find out that she shows my text to other people. Can you believe that? Even I myself couldn't believe such thing. Like come on, if i was complaining about them as a best friend you wouldn't do that to betray each other right? Well I guess I was wrong. and of course things are just too obvious. I hate my life, I have like three paper due on Monday well that's supposingly and since I don't have school that day well cram cram cram! Anyways speaking of that there's always the other things like....HOMEWORK DUE ON TUESDAY. self stab
well until next time..
-remain unnamed.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
true friendship; short.
Today's lesson is, no matter how depress it is, no matter how much fight you get into, friends are always there for you. Well, true friends actually. And by far, the only set of true friends I have by far obtain is these two, who are truely true friends of mine. Who when I need them the most, always there for me. And for sure, I am thankful for them. Thank you lord or whoever is above for giving me this chance to be with them, to enjoy moments of smile.
I always question friendship at times because all it seems like is when you need them, they are there, and when you dont need them, their nothing to you. But those two, they are always there, sometimes one is more than another, but truthfully speaking, no matter how much fight you get into with them, you know in the end all you desire is getting back on being friends with them! because that's just exactly how much they mean to you! (:
No pain, no gain. Well too much happiness so no need to blog today! :D until next time!
I always question friendship at times because all it seems like is when you need them, they are there, and when you dont need them, their nothing to you. But those two, they are always there, sometimes one is more than another, but truthfully speaking, no matter how much fight you get into with them, you know in the end all you desire is getting back on being friends with them! because that's just exactly how much they mean to you! (:
No pain, no gain. Well too much happiness so no need to blog today! :D until next time!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
ѕтσяιєѕ ℓєαяηє∂ - נєѕѕιcα. ; ℓα ∂συℓєυяα
La douleur, why do I post this title as a blog name? When you find the root source of this phrase that's when you will realize what it meant. What this whole blog meant.
Today, after class, spending time with my classmate who I have done nothing but chatting during class with. Having dinner, and hanging out in the park made me realize something. Something valuable I learned. Being a leader. My friend, she was a victim, a victim in relationship. Another victim that is. Are guys just that unthoughtful, greedy, and inconsiderate? I think not. But of course, I have never stepped into her shoes, so I shouldn't know this.
She, like many girls, were lied to, and were used. Thought that it was true love, but in the end, just another fool. Another fool too innocent to think of anything else. Stupidity. Love makes people blind, so they say, and I can't agree more. She, back in her home country, Vietnam, was with this popular singer. Thinking that it was love at first sight, doing things from commitment to the basic relationship to house work all over her boyfriend's house. Doing orders coming down from his parents, things that only house cleaning ladies would do. Like a housewife, trapped in a loop of circle, not knowing that she's been used all this time. Everytime when she was over, she would do nothing but work and more house work, nonstop, meanwhile the boy would just make an excuse of "work" and leave the house without a care. Stupid enough like she is, she would believe him and stay in the house to help out. But what she doesn't know at that time was that everytime when he claims to be working, he was actually seeing girls, seeing girls behind her back, cheating on her each time.
All three years of the relationship, she have done nothing but committing, believing in the love they had, having a long distance relationship. To be honest, unless the guy truly loves you deep down in the heart, long distance relationship will never last, ever. I have seen it, I have experience friends who had those stories, I know. And not to mention cheating, i mean if he were to cheat when she's like few steps away from him, then obviously when she's out of the country, he will cheat more. After all, all she is was just a tool, a toy to play with, a thing that he can show off around saying that he once had.
She gave me some inspirational speech today, though still an immigrant, and only been in relationship once, she have told me something I decide to take in as consideration. "Be a leader," she said, "be someone who leads, not follow" "because, in the very end, if you are a follower, you will just be another girl in the guy's life." I find flaws in that statement, but then at the same time i found truth, I found something in that speech that was worth following. If we lean too much and give in too much, in the end, we will just be another item, another object to them.
Sometimes I feel so lucky, I feel so lucky that in all my 18 years, I have never had such terrifying experience with love, with relationship, with guys, or else I may end up like her, losing faith in love and relationship, losing faith in people. I am grateful for all the guys that had happened in my life. Then ones that I let go, and the ones that I hold on, the ones that I questioned, the ones that I regret. Without them, I wouldnt be the me I am now, and without them, I would have became someone else.
Listening to stories are a great way to cheer yourself up, sometimes its those tragic that makes you have those sudden realization about how lucky you are to be here and not in the same position as them. But then sometimes I still question, does he really love me like he said he does?
My boyfriend, he although cares about me a lot, gave in a lot, give a lot of sacrifices I sometimes wonder, truthfully, does he really care that much? Deep inside, is it the loneliness in all these years part of the reason why he loved me? If he cares, why would he pressure me into things I dont want to do. But now, listening to her, listening to the stories, I have decided, as of now, i will not be pressured into the things that I dont want to do.
If I dont want to do something, I won't do it. Not because I dont love them, its because if like they said, they love me either way, whether I do the things they ask or not, then why should I do it? Because I should give in efforts too? Well, I will give in efforts too then, but just not in the ways that he craves for, not when it runs against my belief. Because if he loves me, he then will also respect me.
Today, after class, spending time with my classmate who I have done nothing but chatting during class with. Having dinner, and hanging out in the park made me realize something. Something valuable I learned. Being a leader. My friend, she was a victim, a victim in relationship. Another victim that is. Are guys just that unthoughtful, greedy, and inconsiderate? I think not. But of course, I have never stepped into her shoes, so I shouldn't know this.
She, like many girls, were lied to, and were used. Thought that it was true love, but in the end, just another fool. Another fool too innocent to think of anything else. Stupidity. Love makes people blind, so they say, and I can't agree more. She, back in her home country, Vietnam, was with this popular singer. Thinking that it was love at first sight, doing things from commitment to the basic relationship to house work all over her boyfriend's house. Doing orders coming down from his parents, things that only house cleaning ladies would do. Like a housewife, trapped in a loop of circle, not knowing that she's been used all this time. Everytime when she was over, she would do nothing but work and more house work, nonstop, meanwhile the boy would just make an excuse of "work" and leave the house without a care. Stupid enough like she is, she would believe him and stay in the house to help out. But what she doesn't know at that time was that everytime when he claims to be working, he was actually seeing girls, seeing girls behind her back, cheating on her each time.
All three years of the relationship, she have done nothing but committing, believing in the love they had, having a long distance relationship. To be honest, unless the guy truly loves you deep down in the heart, long distance relationship will never last, ever. I have seen it, I have experience friends who had those stories, I know. And not to mention cheating, i mean if he were to cheat when she's like few steps away from him, then obviously when she's out of the country, he will cheat more. After all, all she is was just a tool, a toy to play with, a thing that he can show off around saying that he once had.
She gave me some inspirational speech today, though still an immigrant, and only been in relationship once, she have told me something I decide to take in as consideration. "Be a leader," she said, "be someone who leads, not follow" "because, in the very end, if you are a follower, you will just be another girl in the guy's life." I find flaws in that statement, but then at the same time i found truth, I found something in that speech that was worth following. If we lean too much and give in too much, in the end, we will just be another item, another object to them.
Sometimes I feel so lucky, I feel so lucky that in all my 18 years, I have never had such terrifying experience with love, with relationship, with guys, or else I may end up like her, losing faith in love and relationship, losing faith in people. I am grateful for all the guys that had happened in my life. Then ones that I let go, and the ones that I hold on, the ones that I questioned, the ones that I regret. Without them, I wouldnt be the me I am now, and without them, I would have became someone else.
Listening to stories are a great way to cheer yourself up, sometimes its those tragic that makes you have those sudden realization about how lucky you are to be here and not in the same position as them. But then sometimes I still question, does he really love me like he said he does?
My boyfriend, he although cares about me a lot, gave in a lot, give a lot of sacrifices I sometimes wonder, truthfully, does he really care that much? Deep inside, is it the loneliness in all these years part of the reason why he loved me? If he cares, why would he pressure me into things I dont want to do. But now, listening to her, listening to the stories, I have decided, as of now, i will not be pressured into the things that I dont want to do.
If I dont want to do something, I won't do it. Not because I dont love them, its because if like they said, they love me either way, whether I do the things they ask or not, then why should I do it? Because I should give in efforts too? Well, I will give in efforts too then, but just not in the ways that he craves for, not when it runs against my belief. Because if he loves me, he then will also respect me.
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