the breakage. ; ℓα ∂συℓєυя

      Friends, their the best cure for lost love. When you are lost, when you dont know what to do anymore, the best thing for me is to forget about it, not think about it. Hang out with friends, chill with others, in hopes of that you would forget the ones you cared the most. Because sometimes you realize somethings are just better leaving it forgotten.
     This morning, after the passage of 12, the fight carried on, it led itself into our world. Our weak bond quickly shattered. I question myself, am I asking for too much? If he never lead me to expect these things then today, I wouldn't be here thinking of how unfair it is. I wouldn't be comparing the us before and the us now.
      Is it wrong to compare? It is wrong to be selfish? In relationship, there's always one side that is imbalanced, but sometimes trying to fix this imbalance causes things to go worst. Already been exactly half of a year since together and yet we fight like little kids, we fight like immature. Why do we fight? Deeply, I think its my fault for all these happenings. Its funny, because no matter how many times he sound like he's blaming me, sounding like its my fault, when i mention itsmy fault he would say its not. But then truely, we both know that isnt the case.
      Why is guys so hard to understand? You think women are strange species, what about yourselves men? He asked, am I tired of this relationship? Because he is. He is tired of trying to hard, and getting nothing back, he is tired of caring so much and get no thanks in return. He is tired of arguing with me countless times over things that shouldnt even be argued about.  Are we really meant for each other? He questioned this relationship many times, and now maybe i should as well.
      He gave me a total of 24 hours to consider this relationship, until I give a answer, he refused to talk to me. Even to wake me up. How stupid, ever since last weekend, ever since the meet with my ex. I am so tired now, I am confused, lost and tired. I want something more than this yet I can't even handle it. Such a stupid girl. He devoted so much of himself to me, yet I am doing this. Am I wrong? He told me to tell him what I expect from this relationship and what I will do to maintain this relationship.
      I am so lost. I am in so much pain now, can someone help me? I don't even know what I have been saying this past few hours...what do I do? Can someone please tell me?

      How far am I away from happiness?















 Alana Lee Hamilton Butterflies

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shinigami
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coмғorт. ; ℓα ∂συℓєυяα

      People are right, relationship is nothing but trouble. Relationship is not just getting physical but on an emotional level too. Each have to give in to each other to satisfy another, yet some people tends to not do that, and leads it to a bigger argument. And sometimes they just tried too hard that they ended up harming themselves. To me, I always wanted a guy who would understand me, understand my needs and my wants, and don't force me into the things I dont want to do. And especially not pressure me. Someone who is there by my side when I need them the most, someone who knows when I need them and when to call me so that I can cry on a shoulder. Someone who are able to hear my cries and respond, comforting me. Being understanding and trying to cheer me up.
      Watching drama all my life, I realize the more I watch the more I sometimes wish to be the main character, meeting her prince charming and finally have someone who's Mr.Right, Mr.Perfect. Having someone to be there all the time and understand you to a point where they tolerate your action. Then I realize, men these days are impossible to achieve such concept.
      Why him? Why will I choose him? Out of all those guys who chased after me, out of all those guys who cared for me and loved me, i decided to pick someone who would've picked on me for life, and have never liked me. Why? Why did I pick him to crush on? He is judgmental  racist, stereotype Instead i picked someone who hates seeing or even hearing the sound of sadness, the sound of tears shedding down. Who gets annoyed, paranoid, and angry over things like thsi. Why couldnt he for once comfort me? It's funny, to other girls i have seen him comforting to them countless times, but to me, he just never does. Is it because i am already his girlfriend, and theres no need for such thing? Sometimes after aguement i would wonder, not why i didnt break up but why am i dating some. one who wouldnt try to cheer me up, try to calm me down"

Why? I just wished for more understanding, is that wrong?