Roses and their meanings

Happy post Valentines day!
Yeah, a few weeks late, I know, I been busy with many things. Relationship is a weird things, so is jealousy. Jealousy can eat someone up inside, can make people do stupid things. And ultimately leads to sad ending of things. It triggers insecurities in people along with cold cold shivers I don't think anyone would like to feel anytime soon.
Valentines are always symbolized with red or pink roses just like how funerals are symbolized with white roses. According to sources as well as my friend who enlightened me, because I never knew the meaning of red roses, but apparently red roses proclaim "I love you." They are the ultimate symbol of romantic love and enduring passion.

So since we're on the topic of roses on their meaning by color, I might as well attach a list of the colors of the roses and the indication of their meaning below. So here it goes!

The color of roses and their meaning: 

The color of a rose can have a very different meaning from what you intend. Whether you are sending a single rose or a bouquet, there is a message to the symbolism. To ensure that your love understands what the particular roses that you bestow mean, check this guide to rose colors and their meanings:

Red Roses
Red roses proclaim "I love you." They are the ultimate symbol of romantic love and enduring passion. 

Yellow Roses
Yellow roses indicate friendship and freedom -- so don't send them if your intentions are romantic and long-lasting; you could actually be insulting the recipient! Yellow roses are also appropriate for sending congratulations to newlyweds, graduates, Texans, and new mothers. 

Pale Pink Roses
Pale pink roses connote grace, gentleness, and gratitude. While they may look youthful and delicate, they are as sturdy as any other rose.

Light Pink Roses
A joy to behold, light pink roses express fun and happiness. 

Deep Pink Roses
Deep pink roses say "Thank you." They have also come to be associated with the fight against breast cancer. 

Lilac Roses
Lilac roses indicate the sender has fallen in love at first sight with the recipient and is enchanted.

White Roses
Pure white roses symbolize truth and innocence. They also send other messages: "I miss you" and "You're heavenly." 

Peach Roses
Peach roses speak of appreciation and gratitude.

Coral Roses
Coral roses express one thing with their passionate color: Desire.

Orange Roses
Orange roses communicate enthusiasm and desire on the part of the sender.

White Roses + Yellow Roses
A symbol of harmony.

Red Roses + Yellow Roses
A message of happiness and celebration.

Red Roses + White Roses
An indication of bonding and harmony.

More Rose Symbolism: 
While roses are traditionally presented in bouquet form, these are also acceptable:

Single Red Rose
"I love you" (but I'm not going to go broke telling you).

Single Rose Any Color
"I thank you" (and I'm still not going to go broke saying so).

Two Roses Entwined
An engagement or marriage is imminent.

So up there is pretty much the meaning for them. So be careful when you're gifting roses to your cared ones, and choose the right set of roses. It's pretty funny because I have actually recieved yellow roses from my ex before, but I love yellow, so that wasn't really a problem. And plus they were dyed in sparkles and wrapped amazingly, how can i ever reject?

Besides that, happy february! And I will try to keep this as updated as possible even though it'd probably just be a blog for me, myself and I. (no readers *cry cry*)


but here attached is a video explaining in more detail i believe....i never really watched it so yeah haha
click me to watch it

Materialistic

I feel like every girl are materialistic at some point in their life. They may not act it, but they think it. Many of the time they think, "oh i am not like everyone else, I am not materialistic." But trust me, if you're not, you wouldn't wish you were part of fairy tale sometimes, you wouldn't get jealous of other people's relationship being perfect, and you wouldn't have a wishlist or a what i am going to get, or what i am going to bribe my boyfriend or a guy in to getting for me. 

I guess the difference is whether you're on the high/point of no return materialistic or just a little materalistic here and there. And honestly i can see myself being in the middle, but not so much anymore now that I am with present because i know of his budget. 

But am I a materialistic person? My ex used to buy me everything I ever wanted because I never got whatever I wanted in my life when I live with my parents. My ex always wanted to compensate for the things I have lost by buying me things, and that is a very nice thing he is doing. He even got a tutoring job because he was unable to afford a lot of things in the relationship that he wanted to afford. He wanted to buy me nice things and take me to nice places and he really works hard for it. And I am honesty grateful for a boyfriend like that, I mean yeah he doesn’t have to actually work to pay off his new car, his dorm, and his tuition, but he does what he can for me because his mom only gives him limited allowance. He is unafraid to spend it all on me, when he is near broke, he still tries to buy me the best things. He watch out for me, and always put me first, and I guess I am used to that kind of care.

Now that I am with present, he doesn’t do the exact same thing as my past. I mean yes he cares for me and he does show lots of patience for me which my past didn’t. he would go out of his way and back in the days, put me even before his education. He valued me pretty high up the chain. Something not all boyfriend would ever do for their girlfriend, especially in these days?

But I guess you always compare it to other people’s best and worst. Sometimes I would think to myself and wonder in the end if this is all worth it. If choosing present was the right choice, because sometimes I feel like he values himself way more than me, and I guess in some sense it makes sense since if you don’t love yourself how can you love others. But then if you love others, won’t you always try to put them first?

When I am sick, when I am on my period, when my throat hurts and when I have a fever, depending on the condition my past would come barring gifts, not just any gifts but porridge or cough drops or food and medications. He would drive all the way from Burbank in the middle of the night in the middle of working on his projects just for me. He would make food and cook for me, and he would always tuck me in and make sure I am not cold when I sleep with him. And offer to take care of me and go stay at his dorm when I am sick because he knows no one would take care of me and no one would even know when I am sick.

On the other hand present sometimes gets me medication with water, he doesn’t offer to get me food when I am sick or constantly ask if I am okay. He doesn’t give me morning text to tell me to eat well and stay warm and dress in jackets. There’s just so much in so much past did that present never did that saddens me. i love my boyfriend, I love present, don’t get me wrong. He have so much flaws, he never cared for another as much as he did for me, I should be happy. I was his first that he have been so patient, so close, so understanding and gave so much chances to. I should be grateful and lucky.

I overlook all his flaws, his mistaken past because I love him, I care a lot for him and I know somewhere inside me I will never leave him. However sometimes I would just wish he’d be more caring in some aspects of life, and put me a little before him, just when I am sick or when I have my period.

Am I being materialistic when I get a little sad of the fact that asking my boyfriend for a item even though he is broke? He called me materialistic, but honestly comparing to how I was when I was with my ex, I don’t see myself being materialistic at all. I don’t even know anymore. What do I do?

Self, stop being ungrateful and be thankful that he have sticked around with you for this long. And I also understand that i shouldn't be comparing relationships since afterall, not all relationship are the same and non of them should be perfect. All relationship have flaws, and this was our flaw. I should embrace it and accept it. Maybe its for the betterment of mankind

Micro-arguments - Patience

Ever since getting back after break up, I been nothing but forgiving, if not more patient. But instead I get nothing back, I feel like I give more than I get. Sometimes I don’t know if this is worth my time or not, sometimes I feel like I don’t even know anymore, and it is especially time like this.

Everytime when I get mad at him, I calm myself down, I think about what I committed and I take a deep breath. Honestly I have been way more patient than I ever had been in my whole life with him because he means a lot to me for me to get in small argument about with. And today, just now, we got into an argument simply because I was typing on my computer and I couldn’t tell him what I was typing. I was still talking to him via skype, and typing a journal entry about Valentines day, and obviously im not gonna tell him oh I am writing about how I don’t know what gift to get guys because my ex loved hello kitty and he doesn’t, because that’d just pretty much tell him about this upcoming Valentines day and me not having a gift ready for him. And so I told him that I was doing nothing. So much typing so little words, I guess he got suspicious or curious and frustrated because I was semi lying, so he faced the side at first, I stopped all the things I was doing and I was like “Bae, bae” but of course, he didn’t respond, so I continued my typing of the entry. Only little did I know it lead to him closing his webcam, and follow by a hangup. This got me mad, because what gives him the damn right to hang up on me and be mad when I try to talk to him and he just refuse to talk.

If he wants to get mad then fine, but honestly when he is the one in the beginning of this new relationship telling me that he want me to stop getting mad at the little stuff, I had higher expectations for him when it comes to anger management. And not hanging up just because of the small things I do was just one of them. I was expecting something better from him since he was the one setting it up. There were countless times where he have done things that ticked me off or got me mad because of the way he did it, how thoughtless he was, or just how unboyfriend like it was. I was hurt many times, my feelings got in the way of things many times. He lied to me many times and there were plenty of where that came from, and he can’t even oversee this one just got me really mad, like really, because I am honestly not ready for another break up, but I am not up for another argumenet like this. I signed up for some peace, I signed up for having less argument if not non because I cared for him that much, and sometimes I just feel a little one sided when he refuses to see it that way. I know when I got into the relationship that he said he didn’t love me, that he only cared for me, that things wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be, and I accepted that. I guess I just have too high of an expectation out of this relationship. There are times where i wish my feelings would stop, that I would stop being so emotional about things like this and let it go, and pretend like I don’t care, like I am fine but I am not.

If I am able to give in my anger, and give up on being mad, and reason things out and be more patient, what gives him right to get mad at me and hang up when I don’t even do them anymore. It makes no sense to me. Maybe I am just thinking this too much, I should stop.

Sigh. This is what I signed up for, this is what I know what I was getting into, and I should be okay with this regardless.

That’s it for tonight. Good night everyone. I will updated on the Valentines day post later this week or tomorrow depending on when I can write it without feeling what I am feeling right now. 

Goodbye 2014, hello 2015

Happy new year, happy 2015. A lot of things happened, the good, the bad, and just plenty of drama. Honestly, the year barely started and there are already more drama than there was compare to last year. My present broken up with me once again because he says he wasn’t ready for the relationship. He says that he only cares for me but not love me the way I do and it is unfair to me. That it would be better off if I go find someone else rather than him, I will get treated better and I deserve better. I understand where he is coming at. I know there may be guys that will treat me better, that will probably love me better, and taken care of me better than him ever will, but honestly he is the only one I can see long term. He is patient to me, understanding, and accepts my terrible attitude problems when a lot of the others would turn away or ignore me. He calms me down and tries his best to be there for me, and it was because of me, that caused his past few semester to fail terribly. He had me on his priorities that he didn’t do much else besides seeing me, and that caused an effect that both me and him had to pay. For me, I will be seeing him less because he have to focus on prioritizing his things, and next semester he will be attending to another community college because he failed math three times here, or in this case, withdraw twices and “D”ed once. To be fair, I was only the cause of his two Ws, nothing to do with the “D”, however I was in his math class when he “D” the class. It is weird how I was presence in all of the math failures he had, but because of that he can’t take it at the current community college anymore (well that particular math class anyways).

There were multiple times where I thought about it and i regretted dragging him out and hanging out with him late every day, knowing that he have class the following day. Our relationship was never that healthy to begin with. We had sex nearly every day of the week in the summer, and were inseperateable. The funniest thing to that, well it really isn’t that funny, but I guess you can say the most confusing part of that relationship was we were not together yet. We actually barely started in the summer, and we did it nonstop. At that point, I was confused to what we were, whether he sees us as dating, sees us as a friend for benefit thing or the no string attach thing? Because I was confused down to the last tissue in my body. I didn’t understand what we were doing because all the things happened too fast.

It started when one day he took me out to the mountain to look at views when we were sight seeing because I was stressed. It was beautiful, but we didn’t stay there and view it for long, it was a long quiet period I can recall, but slowly we kissed and from there things escalated quickly. All those times where he’d drive up there into the middle of no where and we’d embrace each other was the nicest times although confusing.

The most embarrassing part to the story I guess was the fact that my ex boyfriend, the only one I had sex with before my present, was Asian, and the stereotypes were right about Asian men with small penises. Because he had a small penis, small and thin, like a stick, and even that hurted when we had sex, imagine how its going to be like with my present, who is not Asian.

I think this is the only time I am going to talk about my sex life, I hate to say this, but I don’t think my ex ever popped my cherry because his penis was too small. Because after the first time with my present, I was bleeding, and he and I never understood why I bled that day, but now putting that logic to it, I meant that would make so much sense.

The truth is, I never liked intercourse until I met him, I guess that day I forced myself to have it, it hurted a lot more than it did with my ex, obviously, but I took it in. And slowly (it still hurts the following few times), gradually, it stopped hurting as much, and now it doesn’t. I guess I am not an exception and there was nothing wrong with my vagina like my ex kept claiming, and I do like sex, I guess its just not something you can force onto someone or pressure someone to like.

He have tried to get me to like it for too much of a time that I guess it builded onto my mind set that I should do it just because it should be done. I never thought of it as a enjoyment, I mean maybe because of porn, it gives this false image of how sex is suppose to be like or how a relationship sex should be like when honestly, it shouldn’t be anything like that.

A couple who have sex is supposed to be at the time when both of them are comfortable in advancing, and ready to advance and their speed. Sometimes one can be slower, and that’s okay, that’s why the other wait, because good thing comes to those who wait. (its ironic how I am the one who says it when I have the least patience, but its true, and I have experienced that myself throughout 2014) For those who actually reads this blog, which probably is close to 0, but for those who do, believe me and all those things I say, because I speak from experience. If one forces you to do things you’re not comfortable doing, then the truth is, they don’t love you and you probably most likely deserve someone better.

Looking back 2014 was truly a unique year where I experienced a lot of things I never knew I’d experience. And I am grateful I experienced them. Now that we are moving on to 2015, I hope things are gonna become better, less sad stories happening and hopefully no more broken heart (present, stop breaking up with me when you’re at your lowest point in life!)

AND LET 2015 START FROM TODAY, FORGET THE PAST WEEKS, BECAUSE THOSE DEPRESSING THINGS DON'T COUNT AND WAS NEVER PART OF MY LIFE! 

Last Chance; day 7 (4-5 more hours)

 Published on

12/28/14 3:26 PM

Pacific Standard Time

As hours are getting closer, I am more and more cold sweating. It’s normal to cold sweat when you’re nervous right? I swear I don’t know why I am having all these types of reaction over him right now. I hate how he is making me feel, and quite frankly I don’t know anyone else who makes me feel like this. And I really hate it, I really hate it. I wish he would know how I feel right now and feel the same way and is only waiting for me to go up to him and confront him of the way I feel. I wish things were that easy, then there wouldn’t be conflicts needed. There wouldn’t be a break up and I wouldn’t need to go through all this. This is stupid. This really is stupid.

I cannot approach the new year with disappointments like this, I cannot approach the new year knowing that he is still broken up with me. I just can’t handle break ups, especially not this one, not losing him. I have lost enough people in my life, and he isn’t going to be one of them because of how much I love him and refuse to admit. I have problems I swear. I don’t start appreciating things until they’re gone. I am so stupid for thinking about this.

I mean I have gotten over my sudden realization, and now I am just spinning in the same mind circle I have been circling for a week already but just a bit more determined than before. Nothing else has changed besides that. I am still confused as ever to what I am going to do tonight, what I am wearing and how I am suppose to react to each of his response. Right now my head is blank, although there are random times where a response or two will flow in, but it isn’t an actual response where I am going to remember when I am in the middle of conversing with him. I mean are you nuts?

I can barely face him and tell him how I feel on regular basis, and now I have to confront how I feel and what I been typing the past few days? If I can barely type it out without stopping here and there you think I can actually let my thoughts leave me head? This is crazy thought. But I know I cant just not try and give up this easily, especially if I care about this relationship at all. I know I cannot. I should not and I will not. Because he never gave up on us, so now during his down time I don’t want to give up on him.

I want him to hear my heart. I have decided and I am not going to go back on the things I say, I am going to try my best not to hold back anyways. Because I know deep down there is no such thing as plan when it comes to a relationship. A relationship is two sided, and one cannot always control the result, because if you keep trying to control it you will end up losing it. Like how I have lost mine, and been in regret this whole week because of it.

Get a grip of yourself, think of what you have to say, and do what you have to do.

Crossing your fingers everyone, I am going in tonight and I need all the support there is from everyone! Pray to the god, pray to buddah, pray to cowlord or whoever you believe please. Pray for my happiness. Please mom, bless me on this, he is the only guy I want to be with, the only one I see myself happy with in the future. Please mom.

Now the question is, should i call him right now and ask if he is free or should i call later so he doesn't get time to think it over? God but if i call later and he end up doing something else, or being busy then i will do all that for nothing. I hate being in love, man this is the time i wish i never loved. Sigh

Sudden realization about two past ago

12/28/14 12:23 PM

Pacific Standard Time

In the book I was reading about love, yeah how pathetic of me. There was a children poem, which in a sense made sense and it a sense it didn’t that I’d like to share…

“Love is something if you give it away,

You end up having more,

It’s just like a magic penny

Hold it right, you wouldn’t have any.

Lend it, spend it, you’ll have so many

They’ll roll all over the floor”

If they don’t love you, truly there is no reason to be holding so tight to it, threaten them, force them will not make love return. If they truly love you, you wouldn’t need to be forced to do things.

In the book it also included variables that influence falling in love, which consist of a listing of 11 items which I do respect. So here it is,

Variables that influence falling in love

1.       Similarity in attitudes, background, personality traits

2.       Geographic proximity

3.       Desireable characteristics of personality and appearance

4.       Reciprocal affection, the fact that the other likes us

5.       Satisfying needs

6.       Physical and emotional arousal

7.       Social influences, norms, and the approval of people in our circle

8.       Specific cues in the beloved’s voice, eyes, posture, way of moving

9.       Readiness for a romantic relationship

10.   Opportunities to be alone together

11.   Mystery, in the situation or the person

The need of satisfaction. It is important to address both your needs and the needs of your candidate for love. In other words, what do you want and what are you willing to give. If you want your needs met in a romantic relationship, you should first figure out what your most important needs are.

^

Man, reading this more and more is making me a little upset about myself, knowing that I haven’t done much for him and he have done so much for me. Its funny because that happened in the last relationship too. I give so much unconditional love to him before we were together, and when we were finally together, I stopped 99% of it, or if not, all of it. And that was one of the reason I think he broke up with me. Wow I literally just had a sudden realization.

 I hate to say this, but maybe I am the one a fault, and maybe I am the one who isn’t ready for a relationship. I thought about whether or not I was ready for a relationship before, but I was too scared to answer my own question, because I don’t think I ever was ready. Which lead me to many mistakes.

My last last boyfriend, who is also my second boyfriend literally forced intercourse. With us all stupid and new at this, he was influenced by drama, books, tv show and porn that in order to be intimate, in order to be in love, sexual intercourse must happen. He kept bringing up the topic which I didn’t like because back then I wasn’t ready for it, I didn’t even want sexual intercourse. In fact I hated it.

Honest story though, there was the one day where he was over at my house and tried to take my pants off, I refused and he just kept going, trying to take it off even though my arms were there pushing him away, trying to keep my pants on. And I cried that day, I cried because the guy I dated doesn’t know when to stop, doesn’t know that his girlfriend felt uncomfortable. Being freshly out of high school, things all seem to be happening to fast. And maybe that is why porn were resriticted to 18+, because for those who are under are just not mentally ready. Or at least I wasn’t. Let’s call him Daniel.

Daniel had so much expectation that he expected me to fill, so much things he demanded me to do. And wow, thinking about it now, it feels as if I am becoming the new him and my ex is being the old me. As crazy as this sound but I don’t get these sudden realization until now. It’s crazy how things in my brain words. God I am stupid.

When we first got together(“Daniel and I” that is), even before, he told me, “I am going to be a bad boyfriend, are you okay with that?” I didn’t say much, all I did was hug him and nodded. And that was pretty much how we got together. No will you be my girlfriend, will you go out on a date with me. I just accepted him for who he is. And of course I guess that relationship was in a way kind of a abuse. Because the first year, he had so much on going expectation that he expects me to meet.

He wanted me to write a paragraph each month about the relationship. What I liked about it, what I hated about it and how we can improve. I thought he was nuts, because honestly no one does that in the relationship. And he forces me to a point where I had to do it. And he said he would do one in return too. But to have all my thoughts written down when I have no idea what is going on or how I feel (because that’s usually me) its just plain stupid. Having me as his first girlfriend and was already that demanding. But I was desperate for his love, for his approval. I wanted to move on from my first, I wanted to forget about him, I wanted to truly be free, so I didn’t mind it. Every month he demanded and expected more, and it got stressful, I cried, we fight, but I would carry on. Things got worst when he suggested sex. I thought having sex is gross, I liked foreplay because that was something I was beginning to accept (but then back then foreplay was just kissing…even kissing, it took us 3, 4, or 5 month to get to that stage. Crazy stuff, and I guess what was even worst was I love you took me about almost a year to say it. It’s hard when you want to mean it, and with my shyiness, god I might as well die before it comes out of my mouth. And for those who knows me know I am not that cheesy to a point I will be like god I love you. Even then we I was a year after in the relationship, I love you isn’t something I would say on daily basis. And I guess for my ex is just the same thing like how I was. God now I can see a old me in him. Which is a little scary. Because if he follows my path, he isn’t going to get back with me unless I truly touch his heart and kept trying. And that’s if he doesn’t find me annoying and lose interst in me because I am chasing him. Oh god please don’t be like the old me.). so where were we before we started going all off topic here?

Oh yes, there was this one time where he tries to take off my shorts, and I cried, because if you love someone you wouldn’t force them into something they don’t want to. And I know deeply that he wanted that badly, but I didn’t. and just because he wanted it doesn’t mean he should force me if I don’t want it. And at that point he doesn’t understand that, I guess he was too blinded by male testosterone to see my pain. But at times I would cry myself to sleep thinking about it. Finally I have agreed to have sex with him when I comes to our one year, because he said that if its any longer than he would break up with me. Knowing its my weakness, he uses break up extremely often there forth. I hated that about him, but every time I wanted to break up with him, I would say no to it, because what are the chances that someone would accept me again. Back then I wasn’t popular, and to get a guy to notice me is already impossible, I probably liked him a lot, but I don’t think it ever made its way to love.

Every month, at some random time we would talk about it and he would try to get me to accept it and do the sexual intercourse early, which I refuses, because back then, I was naïve and innocent. Not understanding much sexual jokes, not to mention my strong beliefs in not having sex until after marriage. It’s crazy how they all changed now. I guess sex isn’t something I can do with anyone. And its crazy for those who can go on one night stand and be totally okay with it, because honestly that’s not something I’d do ever. I might at times maybe I would sound like I’d be down, but that’s just my boldness talking, the chances of me actually following through with it is in the negatives.

Man, I typed this originally to recite it back to the book, who knew that I would end up having that much sudden realization everywhere. Oh god geezus.

Okay I think I need to take a break and just process all these in my head now. Everything is happening so fast, oh shit.

Wow….

Im still stunned.

Ill probably post another one later in the hours, when I calm myself from all these realization.

Sister is cooking KBBQ wrapped with taco stuff too. So I’ll just eat that and think things through. But oh man…I don’t think…wow…okay until later! Oh god.

Credit of the beginning goes to "Falling in Love : Second Edition (why we choose the love we choose) by Ayala Malach Pines"

Today is the day (Day 7)

Today is the day, either go big or go home because it is probably the last shot you got to get him back. Well that is if he picks up your phone and can actually make out time for you to see him and talk to him without straight rejection like last time.

Of course, there is no crying, no backing up on words and no saying nothing. Your attitude must not go overboard nor should your emotion, because once he detects that he will forsure reject it thinking that he was right the first time. Time have given some distance, but hopefully just enough to make each other miss each other just that much to talk.

Keep in mind the reasons he told you why he doesn’t want to be with you, and don’t stab him in the area. If you want, talk around the area, and slowly make your way to the area. I know that you’re patientless, but this is a critical point where you need to speak up about what you believe, filter things our and keep only the parts he wishes to hear at the downest time. I know you suck at comforting, so I am expecting a full on non critical on your part apology rather than trying to comfort someone because I know you can’t do it. And I am pretty sure he is well aware of it as well.

There are also things to keep in mind. That if you want anything to work, you have to get the right timing for everything, no trying to molest him before speech even begin, break the silence and talk about your feelings full on, because the chances of this happening again will be back down to 0 after this. It’s a long shot, but it’s the only shot.

At this point, I am not sure knealiing is any good since if he already have a terminal decision for things, the chances of changing it is hard. And he have already self convienced that he shouldn’t have you in his life, just forcing him into situations like that will only make it harder.

Talk to him like two adults, like two mature college students, don’t cry too soon, because that will devalue your cries. I hate to say this, but crying devalues each time you use it, and quite frankly you have used it quite a few times.

Giving myself the pep talk 7:45am in the morning through blogging is interesting because I can’t sleep so I have to do this. I mean its not like sleeping is a option anyways since even when I am asleep, all I dream about is him and I, me and him, me trying to get him back, and him running away and pushing me away and stuff. I mean really is nothing new, but then because I know today was the day, I guess it just makes me unless able to sleep.

Hopefully he is able to pick up the phone or else everything here wil be and shall be useless.

Let’s pray for the best and hope for the best, because I really don’t want to lose the love of my life just because we are on his downhill side. I want to be there for him at his downs just like how he have been there for me at mine downs. I want him to believe that we will work out for the best. I really truly do.

I cant believe I am this much in the love hole that I can’t dig myself out. I can at this point make fun of myself, ruin myself to get him back. Stupid things you’d do for love huh?