Materialistic

I feel like every girl are materialistic at some point in their life. They may not act it, but they think it. Many of the time they think, "oh i am not like everyone else, I am not materialistic." But trust me, if you're not, you wouldn't wish you were part of fairy tale sometimes, you wouldn't get jealous of other people's relationship being perfect, and you wouldn't have a wishlist or a what i am going to get, or what i am going to bribe my boyfriend or a guy in to getting for me. 

I guess the difference is whether you're on the high/point of no return materialistic or just a little materalistic here and there. And honestly i can see myself being in the middle, but not so much anymore now that I am with present because i know of his budget. 

But am I a materialistic person? My ex used to buy me everything I ever wanted because I never got whatever I wanted in my life when I live with my parents. My ex always wanted to compensate for the things I have lost by buying me things, and that is a very nice thing he is doing. He even got a tutoring job because he was unable to afford a lot of things in the relationship that he wanted to afford. He wanted to buy me nice things and take me to nice places and he really works hard for it. And I am honesty grateful for a boyfriend like that, I mean yeah he doesn’t have to actually work to pay off his new car, his dorm, and his tuition, but he does what he can for me because his mom only gives him limited allowance. He is unafraid to spend it all on me, when he is near broke, he still tries to buy me the best things. He watch out for me, and always put me first, and I guess I am used to that kind of care.

Now that I am with present, he doesn’t do the exact same thing as my past. I mean yes he cares for me and he does show lots of patience for me which my past didn’t. he would go out of his way and back in the days, put me even before his education. He valued me pretty high up the chain. Something not all boyfriend would ever do for their girlfriend, especially in these days?

But I guess you always compare it to other people’s best and worst. Sometimes I would think to myself and wonder in the end if this is all worth it. If choosing present was the right choice, because sometimes I feel like he values himself way more than me, and I guess in some sense it makes sense since if you don’t love yourself how can you love others. But then if you love others, won’t you always try to put them first?

When I am sick, when I am on my period, when my throat hurts and when I have a fever, depending on the condition my past would come barring gifts, not just any gifts but porridge or cough drops or food and medications. He would drive all the way from Burbank in the middle of the night in the middle of working on his projects just for me. He would make food and cook for me, and he would always tuck me in and make sure I am not cold when I sleep with him. And offer to take care of me and go stay at his dorm when I am sick because he knows no one would take care of me and no one would even know when I am sick.

On the other hand present sometimes gets me medication with water, he doesn’t offer to get me food when I am sick or constantly ask if I am okay. He doesn’t give me morning text to tell me to eat well and stay warm and dress in jackets. There’s just so much in so much past did that present never did that saddens me. i love my boyfriend, I love present, don’t get me wrong. He have so much flaws, he never cared for another as much as he did for me, I should be happy. I was his first that he have been so patient, so close, so understanding and gave so much chances to. I should be grateful and lucky.

I overlook all his flaws, his mistaken past because I love him, I care a lot for him and I know somewhere inside me I will never leave him. However sometimes I would just wish he’d be more caring in some aspects of life, and put me a little before him, just when I am sick or when I have my period.

Am I being materialistic when I get a little sad of the fact that asking my boyfriend for a item even though he is broke? He called me materialistic, but honestly comparing to how I was when I was with my ex, I don’t see myself being materialistic at all. I don’t even know anymore. What do I do?

Self, stop being ungrateful and be thankful that he have sticked around with you for this long. And I also understand that i shouldn't be comparing relationships since afterall, not all relationship are the same and non of them should be perfect. All relationship have flaws, and this was our flaw. I should embrace it and accept it. Maybe its for the betterment of mankind

The shit I went through this hierarchy

Warning: by reading the following blog you are agreeing to not use any of the information of the blog against the author of this blog, nor any other reasons. The things below are only for entertainment and reading purposes.
I go to this school where the leaderships are messed up, the hard workers usually become the sloppy workers, and the people who deserves to earn the most are not the ones who actually do. I am in many committees in a club, and I have experiences in many different ways others don't, yet I am not the one who is selected for the leadership. Which in my opinion is pretty sad. To be honest, I hate the people on top, because to get on their good side, you need to kiss up to their asses, and do whatever they want you to do, no questions asked.
Last semester, I applied to be the leader of this one committee, and yes, I lost to someone who isn't even that highly participated in the committee. Only reason she was selected was because she was part of the main board member or the main cord of the club, and the voters were the board members. So of course, out of me, this other girl, and her, it would be her. And to make situations worst, during my interview, no one came besides the ex-leader, and the one who does the least in the board. Which makes the whole interview unfair, because no one seems to know anything during my interview.
I mean, yes I guess I somehow got over that a while later, a long while later. That is when I decided to aim for my second leadership skills interview. Which was the managers underneath the leader of the committee, they pretty much do most of the work for the leader, which leaves the leader doing nothing but still getting all the credits. Anyways, I applied to two positions, and I guess there was another one for me to fall back on in addition, so that makes it three, but sadly, I didn't get into any. The only reason I was liable I guess was because I was late to two of the meet up with the leader, well not late, but one I texted her saying I will be five minute late, and the other one was I cancelled one of the morning shift with the leader, and she was like, that is not a good enough excuse to do it but she will let be slide, but shes disappointed in me and stuff. I mean Shit. I have 20 units in my hand, why can't you just allow me to have a little moment. Others don't even work as hard as I do, heck some talks, uses their phone and shit.
Two days ago the third incident happened in which I was the only one in my shift that appeared, apparently the other girls signed in, went to the galloway, and cleaned up the booth and just sat by the stair cases for a whole two hours while I was sitting in the cold working my ass off. Shit, are they fucking dumb as hell or what is their problem? Freaking ass idiots. According to them, they asked May if they can clean up the booth, and she said yes, but after that go help out with the PCC Quad. And those two girls just took it as "leave and then come back later and help the PCC Quad". Like fuck, their Asians too, why can't they get it right. It's been the same for two month shifts now, and that one day they just think that it works like that? Holy fuck. I ended up cleaning up most of the things early because the campus police was just right there and if i clean up later on I was worried I won't be able to take it down. Then after we took the things up thats when the two girls reapperared again. Like holy crap. Yeah just come in later and take credit of the work. So I left an half an hour early because I got pissed off at the situation. I got pissed off at the two girls just sitting there like nothing happened, and I am even more angry and the night I guess. And when my present came all the way here for me, I just really want to leave and go home I guess.
And just now, the leader texted me saying that she wants to talk to me. By the looks of it its something bad, probably I am in trouble now for leaving early that day because I got pissed off. Or maybe because when one of the manager asked me where was I, and why did I leave early I said the leader said I could leave early. But either way, I will either get kicked out of the committee now, or something like that. Oh well who the hell cares anymore. I don't need this committee, nor do I need to try to be helping in the committee if they're going to kick me off just like that. They will be the ones losing someone as great as me in their team. Moreover, if they think they can get rid of me that easily they're wrong. If she attempts to kick me out, watch, I will go to the main club adviser, i will go to to the committee adviser, and further more, I will have a petition signed and presented to the board. You cannot kick a member off the team because of no warning, no regards, nor can you just fire and yell at them like that.

"Wrecking Ball" the Music Video, Miley Cyrus, and Liam (the breakage of engagement)

Have you all saw this image and maybe a few more like these? Yes, Miley Cyrus and her new music video, "Wrecking Ball" have became it hit. Maybe due to the last VMA performance Miley did that stunned practically everyone in the audience, or just maybe the nudity in the scenes.I know I have no right to say things about her or judge her, but come her, look at all her action and then you tell me that she did all these out of heartbreak. Okay, I understand, maybe a breakage of long period engagement with her beloved Liam really hurt her emotionally and perhaps physically, but that doesn't give a reason to go all out on nudity and inappropriate actions. I mean many of the fan were disappointed of her actions. I honestly loved her when she still had some dignity rather than all pole dancing around Robin Thicke, not to mention the foam finger action.

 It's like saying, yeah Miley, you look like you're definitely depress and breaking down.

Liam broke off the engagement through the convencing of his brother. He stated that he wasn't happy in the relationship, and staying in it just makes him depress. And I am not surprised, I mean look at how Miley acts now a days, I would be depress if my girlfriend fiance was like that. Shit, I would beat the crap out of her, haha just kidding. But to be honest, they really do look adorable together, no matter how she changed.

From this....

To this....

To that! 

No matter how you look at it, those two together just makes you go "daw". And even as much as I hate Miley and her actions right now, looking at these pictures really do make me smile because of how cute and compatible they look. Yes, it's a tragic that the engagement was broken off, but that doesn't mean you have to go off nude and show it to the whole world and screaming that I am going crazy now that he is gone. 

Just because a man leaves your life doesn't mean you have to wreck your own life to make things worst. And quite frankly, I don't think that is the right attitude, or the right way of trying to get Liam back, Miley. I mean I don't mean by writing a love break up song like Tayor Swift....

but then you don't have to act all Gaga or 10 times worst than Gaga and Taylor Swift Combined (no offense to them, because I actually love them very much! I'm a Swifty myself). But seriously Miley, get your track back together. Fix your image, or at least stop hurting yourself by showing your nudeness to the whole world. 

Feel free to leave comments on your thoughts and such. I'm all open.

Black Butler, the Anime Season 1 Summary

      I know its been a while since my last post, after all it was summer + the first few weeks of school. And as you know, those days are rough like wood. Anyways, now that im back, i cannot guarantee that i will stay here all the time. I may come and go depending on the time i have on my hands and the things I have planned for those days.
      I would totally go out of the way and tell you how goes my life but then things are just accumulation up, and like the usual me, forgetful and tends to not do it until the last minute. So with that in mind, things just tends to fall apart. Sigh, sophomore year is so stressful. I am two timing and stressing! So many things have came up but then I have only a short amount of time to tell you these before my time is up.So maybe i will be saving those for another time? Haha.
      Well recently I came upon this anime after Melissa recommending it to me, and boy was it nice. At first you know, like all my impression of most anime, their boring, blah blah blah. But after a while oh my god, i am in love with it so much that you have no idea. The anime is called "Black Bulter", its a two seasoned anime, which i just figured out. Season 1, its based on this young boy, who lost his loving family from the very beginning. And became vengeful of all those who were against his family and were involved in the bad murder. So he called upon a demon from hell, and held a contract with him, that once he, the demon helps the boy, Ciel with his revenge of all those that were involve, then the demon may have the right to eat Ciel's soul. So with that in mind, the demon became Ciel's butler, and from then on forward, he lived with Ciel in the mansion.
       So a little back story of the boy Ciel is that he is a Earl of the Phamtomhive, which means that his family is the queens' royal guard dog. And little did he know that the queen was against his family from the very start but didn't say anything until the end of season 1. Which I hated very very much of this film.
      And now in season 2, things became confusing; well actually let me rephrase that. Things has always been confusing in this anime, and when i searched up my question for season two, it seemed that everyone had the same question when they are watching season 2. The reason for that is by the end of season 1, Ciel though was conflicted on whether or not to kill the last victim because he was afraid of death, ended up choosing to kill the last victim, which was the queen's royal servant, aka the angel who wanted to purify the whole London by setting it all on fire. After the great battle between the two, Sabastian, the demon took Ciel off on a boat floating to a unknown place and he eats Ciel's soul. And that concluded the season.
      That was why I was surprised when i found out that there was even a season two to start with. But then its all good, that means i can last a little longer with the Ciel Sabastian love! ^____^

haha just a little diary that turned into a anime review. Well, my time's up, just stay tune for my next entry then? haha until then?