Desperation; ℓα ∂συℓєυя

      It's amazing how far desperation can take us. Desperation, sometimes leads us to jealousy, sometimes leads so low mean cruel things and tactics you may never or could never imagine. Desperation sometimes leads to disasters, its those that lead us to. What's that phrase called? Uh, desperate time comes desperate needs? Yeah that is the phrase.
      Having a friend who is desperate for hangout with guys friends, no way. I guess there's always a reason why i hated her after getting to know her. The feeling wasn't clear until recently, more and more acts tends to show its obviousness when it hits the surface. I tend to question myself at times, what is it that i resemble with her? what is it that cause me to attract such a friend. I mean like they say, you are your friends. There's obviously a bond that keeps you guys together. It may be desperation as well, it may be because we're both desperate for friend, or we are both evil in ways which i tend to hide, but either way, still.
      She invites a group of guys, to be exact, three. One straight forward with no thinking of anything else, one is just forward about things and another that is just a plain pervert. I tend to wonder sometimes, why am I in this in the first place. Me and my other friend both disagree to the fact that she was going to invite the three guys, but then I guess in another sense of desperation she invites them anyways. Like come on, me and my friend, lets just call her A, me and A constantly tells her about not wanting to invite them but no matter what she insisted. Then what happens when they come? Disasters. Yeah, disasters. The straightforward one just went off blasting about how crappy the movie we were watching was, the other guy who's just forward on thing said it was boring and he might as well read the manga and then got bored of it. Then there's the pervert talking while harassing the friend B. I really felt like screaming and just leave the house and make them feel awkward and sorry, but i didn't  i stayed like a good audience. Mad at friend B, no matter how sorry she was I couldn't forgive her for that, not now, not later. And to make things worst, i actually trusted her enough to reply to her to only find out that she shows my text to other people. Can you believe that? Even I myself couldn't believe such thing. Like come on, if i was complaining about them as a best friend you wouldn't do that to betray each other right? Well I guess I was wrong. and of course things are just too obvious. I hate my life, I have like three paper due on Monday well that's supposingly and since I don't have school that day well cram cram cram! Anyways speaking of that there's always the other things like....HOMEWORK DUE ON TUESDAY. self stab

well until next time..

-remain unnamed.

rant of my odd thanksgiving turkey day...

Before anything, I would like to wish everyone here who is reading this post, or have been reading all my post a happy thanksgiving, and god bless everyone of you even though I myself isn't a god believer. I hope all those turkey or whatever you guys have on thanksgiving be wonderful. And hope all of you had your fun black friday shopping! 

      Teenagers are just one stage of humanhood before becoming pre-adults. As you gradually earn your freedom, you gradually abuse it. Sometimes you worry that you might lose this freedom that you just gain. I remember those happiness moment when I was able to obtain my own freedom as long as I report back to my parents. In elementary school, friends weren't allowed to come to my house, and I myself wasn't allowed to go to their house. At times where I tend to get carried away, at times where I dont keep track of time and ended up not reporting to my parents about me being out late nearly cast an end to my freedomship, but they would always kindly let it go. And I am quite thankful for that. Sometime, I guess its those carefreeness that my parents had on me, no pressure, no rules that got me into a hyper state and a happy state. Or its probably just me. Haha yeah probably that. Sometimes I feel unlucky to be in this family but sometimes the opposite.
      As you all may know today is the friday after thanksgiving, which marks a red tag on probably everything or half of the things in a store the sales tag. Yeah, "black friday" the one and only day where people can actually camp out of stores way before midnight, lining up with friends, seeing stores opening rather early than having to wait till their actual service hour. Indeed overtime is rare to see, especially in the economic  So is business, but then that isn't stopping all the people here to shop till they drop. First time black friday shopping, first time staying out with friends outside at a mall this late, first time being with my boyfriend this late, first time spending thanksgiving with him, first time spending thanksgiving with my friends, first time boyfriend didnt have a curfew, first time seeing boyfriend getting this sick, first time boyfriend running in the mall like a little kid with the widest smile. It's amazing how many first time you can achieve in one day. Trust me, there were more, just too little time to list.
      I like to shop, and i did wanted to go to gilly hicks, and hollister, but then for some reason, shopping with  a boyfriend next to me tends to get awkward. I dont even know why. The best offer that was ever offered in life, "Whatever you want to buy, I'll buy it for you today." That's probably like every girl's dream to have a guy like that that is willing to pay for all their shopping cost. Especially Amy and Florence. Haha, but then I said no anyways, stupid me huh? I dont know there's just something about boyfriend that are off limits to going shopping with. I know its quite strange but that's how it goes. So my friends separated  a group went to line up at gilly hicks and my friend and I went to forever 21 because she wanted to. I am not a big fan of forever 21, in fact i have never i believe bought any outfit from forever 21 before.
      Anyways, the funny thing is that forever 21, the staff just allowed everyone in, meanwhile the other stores there was an actual line from start to beginning, letting people in a few by a few. And then controlling the crowd while forever 21 only have a line in the beginning then that was it. It's quite interesting though, gilly hicks had about an hour two hour line just like hollister while disney store had way more. (which in a way i kinda understand why, i mean come on its disney, but in a way i dont understand why) but any how, there were like guys with abs outside in a life guard swimshorts of gilly hicks and hollister, no wonder its a big hit. I mean those guys were like attracting girls attention. Although there were guys lining up for the store, most of them are girls. Way to advertise!
      Rough night, because there wasnt much action going on, i mean my group I was stuck with my friend who is poor yet wants to go to the mall and the other one who is just sick and scared to be in a close area with a lot of people. Certainly a day to remember dont you think? After like one store, we were kind of officially over. At least with Melissa i could just drag her off, oh sigh. But anyways, what was worst is that he was sick and all and claim that he have food posioning afterwards, and because the signal sucks in the mall, especially with that many people and that many smart phones, i doubt we can even get a call through. So we ended up waiting outside of the mall. Friend lost her infinaty scarf and ended up running back in and search for it, at first i was going to go with her but then later she ran and i was already with a headache so i went back happily thought that my boyfriend would be where he was seated he ended up disappearing inside in a French Bakery. buying stuff, so i pat on him and walked out, in hopes that he would come out and lookfor me when he is done ordering. Nope, he literally just stood there and then went to sit down inside and munch his stuff. While i sat outside. It was at that point I realize that was my choice really right? Picking someone who wouldnt run out to look for you but instead wait inside. Maybe it was because he was sick maybe it was because he didnt know, but shouldnt and isnt the first thing they do to look outside? How stupid of me, i thought to myself. Was it really worth all this? I ended up waited outside for countless minutes, for him to come out. 15, 30, 45 minutes went by he was still in there. My body were beginning to freeze due to the hard cold metal table. I glared out into the sky, little by little shedding tears, wondering why I was here in the first place, sitting here and questioning myself. I keep telling myself stop being unreasonable (as my boyfriend claim me to be), but sometimes my reason doesnt make a logical reason to him. He later finally came out and grasp me hard, asking me why was I outside, oh gee, i think its the weather, no maybe the coldness. Yeah i like to sit outside at 4 o clock in the morning to glare at the sky and shed tears.
      Either way, by the end of that shopping trip as we were sending Danny home, he grabbed me along and said to stay with him, and i had second thoughts about it. My first answer was a no, because i know to an asian parent, it is illogical for a girl to stay at a guy's house. Especially at midnight too? But that wasnt the main thing, but i mean bringing a girl back this late really? Sigh, i would be piss off too i guess if my son was to do that.  Why did i do it? Why did i agree to it? I should have said no, and let him go home by himself, i mean it was just a gate away. I ended up staying the rest of the night at his house, in his room while he slept in the guest room, which is weird but works. His mom literally screamed, yeah probably about me most of the time. -_________- those awkward moment.






iono...dont feel like finishing it, but anyways, waste this long weekend when i could have went with my sister and them skiing! SCREW MY LIFE.