People holds secret in them. They can be hiding another side of them, they can be conflictingly arguing with others, and argue over money. And yes, that's all me right there. I just realize how evil I could be, conflicting and arguing with parents over the stupidest things, like money. By finding random text book for the subjects that cost the most and claim that I bought those books so that they can give me the money. Some classes I did buy the books, for the most time though, I purchase it cheap through amazon and many from others cheap enough so that I myself save money, and on the other hand saving my parents money. And then I begin to realize, why save them money when I can gain money for charging them for regular price of the book and buy cheap used one?
Yes, it was an evil thought that came across that gain more and more greed, soon all kinds of evil thoughts began to hit me. Desperation for money indeed. But thinking about this, in my whole life, my parents practically gave me enough to eat throughout high school, and sometimes even didnt give me any money if i forget to ask. Thinking about this made me realize something, it was because the need of money since I never gain them that I begin to gain desire for them. How did I ever became like this? I asked myself quite many times.
It was the society that influenced me. In this society, money is everything. Without money, you can pratically live a day. This society isn't as nice as it seems. If you're rich, you gain like pratically everything, but if your poor, well, that's just another story of your sad sad life.
I seen in many dramas, anime, and stories where family would turn against each other for money, and even from my boyfriend, he said something I didnt believe at first. He said that when it comes to money, families no matter how loving they are, they will backstab each other for it. And i find it quite true in fact. Families do backstab each other at times. Especially this time, knowing that mother have heart condition so does father, I still ended up arguing and yelling at them unrespectfully. I know it was wrong of me to do such thing, but honestly, when you're mad, you do things without thinking, and bam! There you have it.
It's like those things that your anger takes over, and you ended up couldnt control it. Then the after fall is the most painfullest. Afterfall is the ones that hits you the hardest, because after your anger is gone, you then realize what you said and how hurtful or mean it was, and how you could've made things better, but because of your inner rage you ended up deciding to do the wrong thing and result in things you wish you hadn't. And then if you were to apologize, man you're brave, because personally, i have too much self pride to do so, and I would just regret and felt the guilt in me.
It is at those times where I close my eyes and apologize in my heart. And if my parents were to ever read my blog, before they kill me for all the past posts I have posted, I am here to apologize for all the bad behavoir and the things I said when I was angry, I probably didnt mean all of them, or so most of them, and I am so sorry for saying them.
It was at those moments where I close my eyes and pray that I knew how the result would come out and re plan everything. Aren't I a bad kid, knowing that my parents are old and have heart condition yet yell at them. It's like pushing them to their limits. In fact, I am pretty good at pushing people to their limits. Truthfully!
