This isn't a talk about depression, nor a talk of complain, but instead happiness that shines bright within me right now. Shines away all the darkness. Today, hanging out with old friends from high school shown my true happiness. Though meeting so many people in college, not one person can replace or fit in a place where these two idiots of mine that always makes me smile and tries their best cheering me up at times. I dont know what I would do without them. So this article is especially written for them. Though they will probably never find this blog, or ever read it, I feel like its my obligation to write it down here as my feelings you know.
Hanging out all the time sure makes the friendship stronger than before, but then hanging out once every rare occasion makes everything special. I finally realize it isnt the amount of times you hang with someone but your feeling towards them. A little of double meaning there, but then of course only I would get it, because afterall, its relating to something i been hiding deep within myself. Something I probably will never reveal to anyone in the world.
One terrible thing that happened today though it while driving and turning at this intersection, since i was running a bit late I didn't slow down at a turn, and there was a dip right there. By driving 30 miles per hour it really isnt something safe to talk about. But anyhow, there was this huge bomb noise, super loud, and I was scared, literally, and i think everyone else was too. After that I kept hearing scratching noise, loud ones. I was scared of the fact that it might be coming out from the car, scaring of the fact that my bumper was the one that fell. As i parked on the side of the road, I realize it was something that was plastic that was under the car, behind the bumper (thank god it wasn't the bumper, or else my parents would kill me and murder me.) but anyways I panicked because the truth is I cant really drive anywhere with a plastic protector of the bottom of the car, half lingering and half still up and fine you know. Nor did I have the tool to untwist the thing that held those two halves together.
I knew I couldn't drive all the way to school like that, because its 30 minutes away. So I decided to run into the private school near the street, but to realize I have no idea where the entrance was. It was then I saw this one latino man walking down the sidewalk. Chance! I thought to myself as I yelled towards his direction. "Hi, uhm can I borrow your phone?" He seemed a bit stranged out and confused, I mean if it was me I would too. And plus stranger danger even though I am the younger one here. As I pointed to my car, he then broke through the awkward zone and came offering his help, and ripped the half of the protector off and explained how it wouldn't cause a problem because that was only used as a protector.
It was then, i begun to drive more cautiously than usual that day, but at the same time felt lucky and thankful towards life. I mean how lucky am I to find someone who would actually offer help and come by an empty sidewalk. Today is a good day. Thank you lord, god, and budda, espeically mommy for blessing me on such a lovely thursday.
All I can say is...as a conclusion, there is hope for human kind! (haha jk its a joke conclusion, just ignore this line haha)
Showing posts with label humanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humanity. Show all posts
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Anger & Regrets ; ℓα ∂συℓєυя
People holds secret in them. They can be hiding another side of them, they can be conflictingly arguing with others, and argue over money. And yes, that's all me right there. I just realize how evil I could be, conflicting and arguing with parents over the stupidest things, like money. By finding random text book for the subjects that cost the most and claim that I bought those books so that they can give me the money. Some classes I did buy the books, for the most time though, I purchase it cheap through amazon and many from others cheap enough so that I myself save money, and on the other hand saving my parents money. And then I begin to realize, why save them money when I can gain money for charging them for regular price of the book and buy cheap used one?
Yes, it was an evil thought that came across that gain more and more greed, soon all kinds of evil thoughts began to hit me. Desperation for money indeed. But thinking about this, in my whole life, my parents practically gave me enough to eat throughout high school, and sometimes even didnt give me any money if i forget to ask. Thinking about this made me realize something, it was because the need of money since I never gain them that I begin to gain desire for them. How did I ever became like this? I asked myself quite many times.
It was the society that influenced me. In this society, money is everything. Without money, you can pratically live a day. This society isn't as nice as it seems. If you're rich, you gain like pratically everything, but if your poor, well, that's just another story of your sad sad life.
I seen in many dramas, anime, and stories where family would turn against each other for money, and even from my boyfriend, he said something I didnt believe at first. He said that when it comes to money, families no matter how loving they are, they will backstab each other for it. And i find it quite true in fact. Families do backstab each other at times. Especially this time, knowing that mother have heart condition so does father, I still ended up arguing and yelling at them unrespectfully. I know it was wrong of me to do such thing, but honestly, when you're mad, you do things without thinking, and bam! There you have it.
It's like those things that your anger takes over, and you ended up couldnt control it. Then the after fall is the most painfullest. Afterfall is the ones that hits you the hardest, because after your anger is gone, you then realize what you said and how hurtful or mean it was, and how you could've made things better, but because of your inner rage you ended up deciding to do the wrong thing and result in things you wish you hadn't. And then if you were to apologize, man you're brave, because personally, i have too much self pride to do so, and I would just regret and felt the guilt in me.
It is at those times where I close my eyes and apologize in my heart. And if my parents were to ever read my blog, before they kill me for all the past posts I have posted, I am here to apologize for all the bad behavoir and the things I said when I was angry, I probably didnt mean all of them, or so most of them, and I am so sorry for saying them.
It was at those moments where I close my eyes and pray that I knew how the result would come out and re plan everything. Aren't I a bad kid, knowing that my parents are old and have heart condition yet yell at them. It's like pushing them to their limits. In fact, I am pretty good at pushing people to their limits. Truthfully!
Yes, it was an evil thought that came across that gain more and more greed, soon all kinds of evil thoughts began to hit me. Desperation for money indeed. But thinking about this, in my whole life, my parents practically gave me enough to eat throughout high school, and sometimes even didnt give me any money if i forget to ask. Thinking about this made me realize something, it was because the need of money since I never gain them that I begin to gain desire for them. How did I ever became like this? I asked myself quite many times.
It was the society that influenced me. In this society, money is everything. Without money, you can pratically live a day. This society isn't as nice as it seems. If you're rich, you gain like pratically everything, but if your poor, well, that's just another story of your sad sad life.
I seen in many dramas, anime, and stories where family would turn against each other for money, and even from my boyfriend, he said something I didnt believe at first. He said that when it comes to money, families no matter how loving they are, they will backstab each other for it. And i find it quite true in fact. Families do backstab each other at times. Especially this time, knowing that mother have heart condition so does father, I still ended up arguing and yelling at them unrespectfully. I know it was wrong of me to do such thing, but honestly, when you're mad, you do things without thinking, and bam! There you have it.
It's like those things that your anger takes over, and you ended up couldnt control it. Then the after fall is the most painfullest. Afterfall is the ones that hits you the hardest, because after your anger is gone, you then realize what you said and how hurtful or mean it was, and how you could've made things better, but because of your inner rage you ended up deciding to do the wrong thing and result in things you wish you hadn't. And then if you were to apologize, man you're brave, because personally, i have too much self pride to do so, and I would just regret and felt the guilt in me.
It is at those times where I close my eyes and apologize in my heart. And if my parents were to ever read my blog, before they kill me for all the past posts I have posted, I am here to apologize for all the bad behavoir and the things I said when I was angry, I probably didnt mean all of them, or so most of them, and I am so sorry for saying them.
It was at those moments where I close my eyes and pray that I knew how the result would come out and re plan everything. Aren't I a bad kid, knowing that my parents are old and have heart condition yet yell at them. It's like pushing them to their limits. In fact, I am pretty good at pushing people to their limits. Truthfully!
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