Honesty. Just exactly how much does it worth? And who
exactly have the love for them? Sometimes, I felt like the stupid ones to fall
for them, sometimes I felt like my trust is ripped apart each time when a lie
is set out. Just exactly how many lies am I going to take until my heart and
brain both explodes?
" Just
exactly how much do you value our trust and relationship? Just exactly how much
do you wish to be trusted? You experienced deceiving and lost, but does that
mean you have to lay its egg on the others? Friendly lie is one thing but lying
to get away with something else is another. Just exactly where did you go on
May 25th when you said you were having lunch with your auntie and
your mom? Great lie about going out to lunch with them huh, as great of a lie
as going to car wash on May 31st. People who lies are great, I mean
as long as others don’t find out, hey, you know, live another day, why not lie
about it? But when the truth hits the ground hard a few moments after the lie
is out, who would be the one left behind doing the clean up exactly? Upset yes,
but argument is something I don’t want.
Anniversary?
Yeah its been a year Danny, we been through a lot of ups and downs, and yes we
been through the lowest points many times in life and recovered from it. That will
hopefully be the downiest/lowest point of your life in the relationship as
well, a point where we will hopefully never return.
I
don’t want us to fight over useless things that will eventually lead to
breakage. I had too much of that already, I know where arguments lead to,
especially this one. I understand you had your view in things, but rather lie
than tell the truth, just exactly how much do I worth? Over planning a plan on
top of our plan because our plan is too common while other people’s plans are
rare because you don’t see them often? Please, I cancelled my plans with rare
friends to hang with you no matter how often we see each other. No matter what your reason is Danny, I want
you to take your time to think about it. Was it worth a lie to me?
First
time, you know, I go like hey its fine, I trust him. This will probably be the
last lie. And then what happens? Bam! The second lie hits. Makes me wonder,
just exactly how many lies do you have behind my back that I don’t know about? And
just exactly how many of them are truthful. Hey, I know I am not suppose to
doubt you, but just like the boy who cry wolf, eventually if lies keeps
happening people will go from trust completely, to questioning and doubts and
soon, don’t even believe a thing you say.
I
want to use this anniversary to clear all of our records, to start a fresh
page, because after all its been a year of us together. I don’t want us to look
back just to find more reason for our supporting arguments, I want us to start
new and look back because we miss some part of our lives. And of course, be
together as long as possible.
At
first, it hurts to see you lie while I know the truth myself. You know those
post on facebook, those moments you see how stupid the other person is, trying
to lie to your face, when you yourself knows the truth better than the person
who’s telling the lie? Danny, I was at the point where I would scream and run
out in the street screaming, but I held it in. It hurted at first, but
eventually I gave it a few days, I thought of all the things you did that made
me smile and slowly, the box of flame just melts away by days. Of course,
within a week another one struck, harder than ever, my hatred grew, my cold
sweat kicked in, and my trust for you just tumbled off the balanced board. I
told myself I could trust you, I told myself that this once again would be your
last time. Same day, of course, you promised that you will try your best
not to plan things ontop of our plan, but hopefully with that said, you would
also be truthful and honest for not just
me, but us. I want a boyfriend I am proud to say that I can entrust anything,
not a boyfriend whom even lies about his whereabouts.
This
few months, I have tried to be more forgiving, understanding, appreciative and
more temper control to those who are close to me, I know there are still things
that I am unwilling to do, but hey, I am beginning to accept some things that
you want, I really wish you would respect things that I don’t want to do as
much as I respect you and the things you don’t want to do. I know maybe
sometimes I am stubborn, but before saying anything, think about the tone you
said certain things with, if I am stubborn even when you’re talking to me in a
non-grumpy tone, then scold me, soon my little conscientious will kick in and
slap me. I am sensitive, and I cry a lot, it may seem like I am using it as
advantage, but I don’t show tears to those who are close to me, and if you were
to ask any of my friends, the only ones who really saw my tears and the amount
of times they saw it, man you would be surprised that they’re meeting the same
Jenny. I guess I just react more to people who are close to me, like you. So
sometimes just hug and/or pat would do the trick, but I am trying to lessen my
tears; but it will take sometimes."
just sometimes, i wish that things in my mind could all just come into words and explode on him. just sometimes
