Talk about night terror, can’t sleep longer than two hours
without being waken by a night terror. God help me, my heart is pounding hard
right now, still trying to absorb the shock I have taken in due to the dream.
At this point you may wonder what it is, well, its obviously
about the break up. It was I guess taking place in the retreat that we were
suppose to have next week, and instead of sitting in the front, he sat in the
back with his close friend, who is a girl. And of course, now that we’re over, I
have no right to be mad, but I am of the fact that he won’t look at me, and he
would purposely turn away like if its no one’s business. I gave her the glance,
and I guess she knew why and then she asked him why he broke up with me. And from
there, I think someone tried to come and talk to me, but I was too busy
easdropping on the conversation that I eventually pushed them away telling them
to come back later because they just won’t shut up even when I tell them to. I guess
eventually we were all standing during break or something (it was a movie
showing in a room I guess with chairs lined up), we stood up and he and I were
next to each other at one point, and he made the first talk, he said “what do
you want?”
I only frowned and looked at him, thinking his crazy, “if I tell
you what I want it doesn’t mean I am going to get it.”
“you might.” He smiled, which gave me this reall false
impression that felt fake to begin with but I dragged him out. And she
followed, which I don’t understand why, because we were having a private talk
but I guess I had to do it when shes there. And its like, having to say to one
person who you truly care about, how you feel about them isn’t enough yet, you
have to say it to their best friends face too.
But of course, even when I said it, he still said no, but
this time he said, “maybe in the future, but not now”
I begged him, I told him to try, to at least try. But he
cried a lot ( I swear at some point in time he turned to a girl but idk…) we
were hugging the whole entire time when we were outside by the balcony and we
were both just crying, but he was really really crying.
Before anything happened, I woke up wanting to cry,
extremely tired, and wish I would’ve at least heard the answer. Maybe the
answer isn’t shown for a reason, maybe it’s foreseeing something. Who knows, I just
know I can’t take this on any longer or else I might as well go crazy, because I
feel like 2 hours of sleep is already on my way there.
Maybe packing my brain with memeories I shouldn’t remember
during the first week of break up is a bad thing, and that typing a 10 page summary
about the breakup and how our relationship started just doesn’t help at all.
I don’t even know anymore.
God help me, I swear if I don’t get back with him I might go
insane or not sleep at all and probably die young.
Why is everything so hard to forget and get over? Maybe I am
holding on to it a little too tight, I mean he seems to be sleeping fine, but
then again I am not talking to him so how would I possibly know.
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