I don't normally cuss, so you know when I cuss, its something serious. When you give others a warning and expect them to not do it again, its just a stupid decision because eventually they would do it again, and what are you left with? nothing, not even the dignity you started with. Stupidity that is. Then why am I backing down, over and over again? Why don't I ever learn my lesson from the past? Strange as I thought to myself. All these years, i been living my life, strong willed, yet I constantly get tripped by the reality. How stupid can someone go for love? Just exactly how low can someone go for love. I don't know anymore, and at this point, I really don't care anymore. I want to let go, i want to spread that wing of mine and soar into the sky. How can I even do that though? In my mind, on the back of my head, it whispers, " break up" yet inside of me, with the small tint of light glowing, telling me to stay, i really don't understand what i should do anymore. How can I smile? How can i still forgive him after all the things he did, all the unforgivable things? How come he gets to get away from all the things he does, yet I cannot get away from all the things myself? For so many countless times how i wished things would go my way, yet it doesn't. All my small expectations for him, are they really too much to ask? All i wish is somebody to care for me, to be considerate, to be there when I need someone there, and to be understanding, and yet all he wants to sexual desires and nudity. Just exactly what kind of love are we in? Do we even love each other? More like, does he even love me?
Raising this question just made me even sadder. He hides so much, and tells me so little about his life, yet I let him live in my life, its as if everything is clashing down.
stupidity i am stupidity i is.
from now on i will not be the considerate one, i will not be the direct one, he doesnt want me, why am i going through all the trouble of wanting to kiss up to someone's butt.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
The most common question, "what if I am pregnant?"
It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot to realize things, and among things are the truth. I guess truth are tend to be harder than false fantasy we hoped for. Then we compare others by imagining them in the same situation but reacting to all of them better than me in my situation. Of course, what does that even mean?
I asked earlier today,actually earlier along the week, "what happens if I am pregnant?" and the answer is? "We can't handle it, I can't afford it, and both of our parents can't know about it."
Disappointed and furious, I was raged by the things he have said. What kind of boyfriend would say such thing? And then I went off to compare him with my ex and how he might have handled th situation. But oh wait, we would probably never get to that point where we have to talk about things like that till we're married.after all my current present is just another one of those men who doesn't really carry on with the consequence of his action.
Who am I to talk though you know. So I calmed and reply, "if I am pregnant, I'll run away from home, and you will never find me,or see me again. I'll disappear in this world."
He replied, "I will find you no matter what, you can't run away from me. No matter how long it takes. You can put my words in the bank."
I just felt like, what's the point of that? If you wont take the responsibility for things like that, how do you expect me to let you find me so easily? I mean the truth is, why would you be doing that in the first place if you were to accept me and your kid? Oh wait, I forgot, you weren't gonna accept them in the first place.
What has this world came into as? Sigh. Why did I even get to where I am?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)