This
had always been somewhere in my head, but then it just never came to me this
strong until now. My just recently became ex versus my just recently became my
current really did get me thinking. Let's just call my recently became ex Jake
and recently became current Liam for clarification purposes.
Jake
had been the boyfriend I dated the longest, and because by first never really
rose any expectation besides the fact that he’d do nearly anything for me. And
thus, making me compare to him often when Jake does selfish things or be as
stubborn as he is. Meanwhile Liam, although never been in a relationship, had
always been a nice guy in a sense. Liam doesn’t know how to treat girls, especially
girlfriends. He also doesn’t have the boundaries one should have especially when
it comes to commitments and such.
Liam,
have made countless mistakes during the past few months that it stresses me.
Causes me to question whether or not it was a good idea to start it with him in
the first place. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like him a lot, but just seeing
how he can’t really treat girls right, and when I mean girls I meant me just
pisses me off.
Then
I look at my most current crush whom I give up on. Let’s call him Ed for now.
It wasn’t his look that got me into Ed in the first place, because when I first
met him, I didn’t have these feelings I had recently. It was the prolonged time
spending together that got me liking him more and more. And of course, slowly,
falling for him and his personality. It’s funny, because I think he is the
first person I fell for the personality first, he is also one of the longest
crush I have had that showed some sort of interest in me and was willing to pay
for everything during our first “hangout”.
To
talk about this, we have to rewind back to the date we had, or the “hangout”,
or so we call it that. It felt a bit like a date because he paid for the
tickets and offered to buy me food in the theater. Even after I refuse, he
purchases a giant water bottle for me, which probably costed around $3 dollars
because the total came out to be $17 or so dollars when the only thing he
bought were a plastic square bag of M&Ms that market value probably costed
$2-$2.50 max, a box of sour patch you’d see in the 99 cent store, and two large
water bottle, those good quality ones too, that is probably marketed $2 dollars
but all charged probably double or triple the price. During the movie, I got to admit there were many awkward
moments, and by the ending, there were millisecond moments where we could’ve probably
kissed, but I held back because I never really been on a date date like that
before. Not to sound stupid, but I didn’t know what to do, especially in
situations like that. The night ended with a goodbye, when we arrived at my
house, I got out only to see his disappointed face when I opened the door, “oh
we’re not staying in the car? That’s fine” but of course who knew if he was
serious about that or not.
But
when I saw him taking off, in my stomach, something just doesn’t sit right. In
my head, I knew this was it, and if anything were to happen it had to be today
because I would probably not hangout with him ever again after this due to the
fact that school is starting on one hand, and he works on most days that I am
free. And with his raincheck rate, it usually takes forever to schedule a
hangout with him in the first place.
So
after countless moments of thinking, I decided to dial his number, and closed
my eyes, hoping I don’t mess it up. When he picked up the phone, my heart raced
to the top of my skull as I can feel the blood of nervousness just pumping
through telling me all sort of thoughts and sanrio of how this all could’ve
gone.
I
told him from one of the classic out of the book for an underage ish type of
people. Typical reason, “I left my keys in my house, and my parents aren’t
home, I am locked out of my house”
His
first response was “oh shit,” and second was, “let me get off of the nearest
exit and go back.”
Without
second question or doubt, and that’s the type of people I like. Gentlemen and
just considerate. Especially with those kind of things, I mean a lot of douche
bags would just be like, oh locked out? Sucks for you, too bad. But Ed actually
comes back to you. And I am quite grateful for that. Which is why after the
first date, it made me want to ask him to a second although knowing it’s a bit
impossible.
Why is he driving me crazy. I hate love.
