All
this time, I thought I was over him, but the truth is that I was never
over him. I still have feelings for him, even just he slightest counts right?
No matter what he does, or how much I despise him, I just cannot stop loving
him. He’s already my ex, I was the one who gave the decision of breaking up
with him, and now I am the one regretting this? A little ironic, I know. Why
can’t I stop thinking about him? I don’t know, it haunts me in the middle of
the night at times. The way he smiles, that face, that innocent but gentle
face. Sometimes I miss it, sometimes I wish I still had him. If I had those
kind of feelings then why am I here at this step, with someone else in my arm
you ask? I have no clue either. In the beginning, I just couldn’t take him on
my shoulder anymore. He doesn’t know how I felt, he doesn’t understand me, and
moreover, he doesn’t know I cry in the middle of the nights at times because of
our fragile relationship. There I said it. Sometimes on the other side of the
phone when I was talking to my ex, things would be weird, it would grow quite,
afterall we don’t have much to talk about. Getting together right after being a
set of strangers, of course there is nothing you can talk about. But then of
course, its my fault as well, because I would never tell him how I feel. In
fact, I would never tell him anthing about him. Its pretty silly to say it now
but then its better than not saying it at all at times. Sometimes I would close
my eyes and wish everything was a fairytale. Another reason to why I broke up was
because of the fact that I couldn’t express anything with him. I guess if I gave
“us” time, we probably would pull through. I mean relationship is all about
time, and patience, because only “time will tell” as they say. And that is what
kinda happened to me and present, and resulting in me here, in less of a
depress relationship. Why didn’t I give my past a chance? Why did I move on so
fast? It is because of the way he makes my heart race? Is it because of the way
he smiles? The way he loves me like no one else? I really don’t know. He is a
guy full of flaws, yet I loved him so much. He chased me for what? Five years? Seven
years? At times even though he tells me he have already got over me, I would
wonder about that. Isn’t something missing? Isnt someone missing me? Even though I am the sacrifice,
you wont try for me not now. Now im dying to know if you love me, now I am all
alone. Isn’t something missing? Isn’t someone missing me? This song truly describes
my feelings right now. I can’t bare to see another one of his pictures. Each
time I see one picture, an image just pop up of him, the thought of him. The slightest
hint reminds me of him, I hate it, I truly hate it. What am I suppose to do
now?
Friday, March 7, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
The shit I went through this hierarchy
Warning: by reading the following blog you are agreeing to not use any of the information of the blog against the author of this blog, nor any other reasons. The things below are only for entertainment and reading purposes.
I go to this school where the leaderships are messed up, the hard workers usually become the sloppy workers, and the people who deserves to earn the most are not the ones who actually do. I am in many committees in a club, and I have experiences in many different ways others don't, yet I am not the one who is selected for the leadership. Which in my opinion is pretty sad. To be honest, I hate the people on top, because to get on their good side, you need to kiss up to their asses, and do whatever they want you to do, no questions asked.
Last semester, I applied to be the leader of this one committee, and yes, I lost to someone who isn't even that highly participated in the committee. Only reason she was selected was because she was part of the main board member or the main cord of the club, and the voters were the board members. So of course, out of me, this other girl, and her, it would be her. And to make situations worst, during my interview, no one came besides the ex-leader, and the one who does the least in the board. Which makes the whole interview unfair, because no one seems to know anything during my interview.
I mean, yes I guess I somehow got over that a while later, a long while later. That is when I decided to aim for my second leadership skills interview. Which was the managers underneath the leader of the committee, they pretty much do most of the work for the leader, which leaves the leader doing nothing but still getting all the credits. Anyways, I applied to two positions, and I guess there was another one for me to fall back on in addition, so that makes it three, but sadly, I didn't get into any. The only reason I was liable I guess was because I was late to two of the meet up with the leader, well not late, but one I texted her saying I will be five minute late, and the other one was I cancelled one of the morning shift with the leader, and she was like, that is not a good enough excuse to do it but she will let be slide, but shes disappointed in me and stuff. I mean Shit. I have 20 units in my hand, why can't you just allow me to have a little moment. Others don't even work as hard as I do, heck some talks, uses their phone and shit.
Two days ago the third incident happened in which I was the only one in my shift that appeared, apparently the other girls signed in, went to the galloway, and cleaned up the booth and just sat by the stair cases for a whole two hours while I was sitting in the cold working my ass off. Shit, are they fucking dumb as hell or what is their problem? Freaking ass idiots. According to them, they asked May if they can clean up the booth, and she said yes, but after that go help out with the PCC Quad. And those two girls just took it as "leave and then come back later and help the PCC Quad". Like fuck, their Asians too, why can't they get it right. It's been the same for two month shifts now, and that one day they just think that it works like that? Holy fuck. I ended up cleaning up most of the things early because the campus police was just right there and if i clean up later on I was worried I won't be able to take it down. Then after we took the things up thats when the two girls reapperared again. Like holy crap. Yeah just come in later and take credit of the work. So I left an half an hour early because I got pissed off at the situation. I got pissed off at the two girls just sitting there like nothing happened, and I am even more angry and the night I guess. And when my present came all the way here for me, I just really want to leave and go home I guess.
And just now, the leader texted me saying that she wants to talk to me. By the looks of it its something bad, probably I am in trouble now for leaving early that day because I got pissed off. Or maybe because when one of the manager asked me where was I, and why did I leave early I said the leader said I could leave early. But either way, I will either get kicked out of the committee now, or something like that. Oh well who the hell cares anymore. I don't need this committee, nor do I need to try to be helping in the committee if they're going to kick me off just like that. They will be the ones losing someone as great as me in their team. Moreover, if they think they can get rid of me that easily they're wrong. If she attempts to kick me out, watch, I will go to the main club adviser, i will go to to the committee adviser, and further more, I will have a petition signed and presented to the board. You cannot kick a member off the team because of no warning, no regards, nor can you just fire and yell at them like that.
I go to this school where the leaderships are messed up, the hard workers usually become the sloppy workers, and the people who deserves to earn the most are not the ones who actually do. I am in many committees in a club, and I have experiences in many different ways others don't, yet I am not the one who is selected for the leadership. Which in my opinion is pretty sad. To be honest, I hate the people on top, because to get on their good side, you need to kiss up to their asses, and do whatever they want you to do, no questions asked.
Last semester, I applied to be the leader of this one committee, and yes, I lost to someone who isn't even that highly participated in the committee. Only reason she was selected was because she was part of the main board member or the main cord of the club, and the voters were the board members. So of course, out of me, this other girl, and her, it would be her. And to make situations worst, during my interview, no one came besides the ex-leader, and the one who does the least in the board. Which makes the whole interview unfair, because no one seems to know anything during my interview.
I mean, yes I guess I somehow got over that a while later, a long while later. That is when I decided to aim for my second leadership skills interview. Which was the managers underneath the leader of the committee, they pretty much do most of the work for the leader, which leaves the leader doing nothing but still getting all the credits. Anyways, I applied to two positions, and I guess there was another one for me to fall back on in addition, so that makes it three, but sadly, I didn't get into any. The only reason I was liable I guess was because I was late to two of the meet up with the leader, well not late, but one I texted her saying I will be five minute late, and the other one was I cancelled one of the morning shift with the leader, and she was like, that is not a good enough excuse to do it but she will let be slide, but shes disappointed in me and stuff. I mean Shit. I have 20 units in my hand, why can't you just allow me to have a little moment. Others don't even work as hard as I do, heck some talks, uses their phone and shit.
Two days ago the third incident happened in which I was the only one in my shift that appeared, apparently the other girls signed in, went to the galloway, and cleaned up the booth and just sat by the stair cases for a whole two hours while I was sitting in the cold working my ass off. Shit, are they fucking dumb as hell or what is their problem? Freaking ass idiots. According to them, they asked May if they can clean up the booth, and she said yes, but after that go help out with the PCC Quad. And those two girls just took it as "leave and then come back later and help the PCC Quad". Like fuck, their Asians too, why can't they get it right. It's been the same for two month shifts now, and that one day they just think that it works like that? Holy fuck. I ended up cleaning up most of the things early because the campus police was just right there and if i clean up later on I was worried I won't be able to take it down. Then after we took the things up thats when the two girls reapperared again. Like holy crap. Yeah just come in later and take credit of the work. So I left an half an hour early because I got pissed off at the situation. I got pissed off at the two girls just sitting there like nothing happened, and I am even more angry and the night I guess. And when my present came all the way here for me, I just really want to leave and go home I guess.
And just now, the leader texted me saying that she wants to talk to me. By the looks of it its something bad, probably I am in trouble now for leaving early that day because I got pissed off. Or maybe because when one of the manager asked me where was I, and why did I leave early I said the leader said I could leave early. But either way, I will either get kicked out of the committee now, or something like that. Oh well who the hell cares anymore. I don't need this committee, nor do I need to try to be helping in the committee if they're going to kick me off just like that. They will be the ones losing someone as great as me in their team. Moreover, if they think they can get rid of me that easily they're wrong. If she attempts to kick me out, watch, I will go to the main club adviser, i will go to to the committee adviser, and further more, I will have a petition signed and presented to the board. You cannot kick a member off the team because of no warning, no regards, nor can you just fire and yell at them like that.
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