"Almost Lover"

"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

=====

I don't know why, listening to this song is just making me sad, especially with all the things that are occurring as of now. All the stress that is passing by and all the moments where I go like where am I? Why am I doing this? What's wrong with me. I don't know if its finals week finally acting up upon me, or just me losing my trace of thoughts and thinking, but for whatever reason, it is very unclear to me on all the things that are going on right now. It is also very unclear to me to all the action I have been conducting. I don't know what to blame or who to blame, even if I should be blaming anyone in the first place.
I feel like this lost lamb in the plain green grass field, confused about where I am, confused about what my goal is in life. I feel like a failure, not knowing what I want to do with my future, not having confidence in my own choice. Just living each day as if there is a next, wandering aimlessly among the rest. As people began to transfer out of this dumb community college, I am just here, still walking, lost in the same spot where I started, confused. To make the matters worst, I don't even have much motivation to study, with me having high level of distraction, it almost seemed as if I have ADD at some point
I need a mentor, I feel like I need someone to talk to about my problems. But who is there I can talk to in regards to problems like this. I never told anyone this, maybe because I am afraid of what others might say, or just simply because no one seems to care enough for me to mention it. I haven't found someone whom I can trust. I haven't found that one person who will understand all the things I have done completely. But as individual unique beings, of course no two would think alike and I understand. Yet still I am on this very spot, lost and confused. 
I want to cry sometimes, thinking about everything that had happened to me. All the things that had occurred. The unexpected, the never thought would happen scenarios that occurred. Why do they happen? Why did I chose to let it happen? I often asked myself, why did I ever do that? Why did I ever chose that path over others? Other times I would close my eyes and try to escape. The voices that echos in my head often, the little whisper of "no"s, and the uncertainty of "yes"es. The constant reminder that all the rest will be biting back at me later on, the karma so they call it. 
I started to ignore of good conscious, I began to ignore my bad feelings and let the flow waves take me. Is that a good thing? Is it a bad thing? It's something I know one day I will be sad about soon, is something that will caught up to me one day. But all in my head as of now was, living in the current, living in the days rather than thinking about the future. 
I remember a few days ago, on Monday night, I wanted to cry, I wanted to break down. I was scared of who I was becoming. I felt the potential of me becoming someone who I no longer know, and the worst part was it's myself that I no longer know. I wanted to call my first, I wanted to see how it is doing all of a sudden. I want to see how he is doing. To be honest, I might still have a space somewhere for him. Although I haven't seen him since the time where I had a terrible headache, I haven't seen him since the trip to Universal Studios. I want to know if he moved on yet, if he finally found someone that he loves, someone that he finally cares about and cares about him back. Those moments where I was with him seems so fade, so far away. When was the last time we had a real talk? Never. When was the last time we had a heart to heart talk? Probably the only time I ever admitted that I liked him. Truth be told, I don't know what I am doing relationship wise. Maybe I am not ready for a relationship yet, maybe I need a break from guys, from love and crush. Maybe for now I should focus on what I need to and should do with myself. No more kisses and hugs, not from anyone, not from the one. 

It's okay self, one more week until you're officially isolated from the school, from the entire campus. Just one more week. 







































Good bye my hopeless lover, goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be?So long, my luckless romance, my back is turned on you, I should've known you'd bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do