Anticipation.

Anticipation. What I use to have before being with present. What I had always liked and get excited over. How would every thing be like if we weren't over? How would everything turn out if we were t over? I really did love him. I really did miss him.
I had a dream a while back. Not a ordinary dream, but then a dream about past. A dream about seeing past while camping in Yosemite by the beach. Around the restroom, where I came out from (and trust me that restroom wasn't all that pretty either, besides the bike that was there w a jacket or helmet in which I cannot remember). It suddenly turned into a line w people lining up and be was there. His hands were wrapped in a scarf. Well one hand. And his other? Holding his other hand. As I passed by we saw each other. At first I avoided his eye contact. Then I looked back, and accepted the truth of his existence. Not just in life but in everything else. Afterwards, I had a bucket in my hand. And I guess I was suppose to fill it up for my nephew. But it was really heavy. And behind me was past and a random guy. Probably a friend of his. As I filled the water I asked, "aren't you guys gonna help?" And slowly they came up, the water was taking forever to fill too! When finally full past attempted to help but before anything I lifted the bucket myself and spill some water but then to prevent more spills I dropped water around the cemented ground and then went to my nephews as the two guys followed. The dream ended w me pouring the bucket of water on the area of sand that my nephew was digging hole on. It was an happy dream. A dream that I never thought of dreaming about. But then again, maybe I have but then I just simply don't recall it.

The dream follow that after falling asleep again was about visiting Taiwan. Grandmas house of course. But not all goes well ends well you know. Sometimes it's just that simple. My second aunt died and that house was sold. Sighs. I really wish I could go back and visit everyone before they leave one by one :(