February 28th, 2015

Relationship is such a stupid thing. Especially for those who tend to live in the past, it may be the stupidest thing ever. I am one of those who tend to look behind and live in the past. And as much as I love being able to remember the old memories, I also wish I am able to stop doing it at times. Especially at times where it is unnecessary. I am currently dating a guy who doesn’t view responsibility as something consistent, who tend to break promises and trust, and forget what he said he’d do initially. Which often gets me thinking of how I should deal with it. Like most girls, I am more towards detail orientated compare to him. Therefore I focus on a lot of the details when it comes to this relationship, but honestly, you don’t even need to focus on the detail to see this, because the truth was, his mistakes were so big its like spotting the bull’s-eye, when you’re right next to the dart board.

One of the example he had done was promising dinner, but as the night got older (because let’s be real, nights don’t get younger than it already have been) he forgot about it and just drives me home after. And with him knowing I only ate one meal, nothing comes to mind. What was I even suppose to say if I were to say something? “hey Im hungry?” I just don’t like to be the one having to remind someone to do something when they said they were gonna do. I mean if its been a while and its not something that requires a need of some sort I wouldn’t have minded. But a meal?

Furthermore, there were times where he’d ask me out on a date, or just to go out and/or hangout, but then a day later (because he always asks at the last minute) he just totally forgets about it and ask other people if they’d like to get food with him. In my mind, I am just like what the hell is he even thinking? Like am I even on his mind? Sometimes I feel like I am in a relationship by myself, sometimes I feel like I am irrelevant because of the way he treats me, but then I realize that he really doesn’t have a sense of responsibility. And when I got with him, I sort of knew what kind of person he was, but I just didn’t know he’d be that bad at a relationship.

It’s not even bad, its just commitment and common curtesy. When you say you’d do something with someone, you don’t juts break it off with them. Especially when its someone that’s your girlfriend. Honestly, sometimes he doesn’t even respect me, and he wants me to respect him, which is a bit ridiculous. How are you suppose to give respect to someone who doesn’t even do the same to you, not to mention treat you as if you’re their girlfriend.

He should’ve met the me a year or so back, the me that was in the last relationship with my ex. I was extremely demanding, not to mention complain way more than I ever did now. I don’t even have the patience to do half of the things I do now. I definitely do not tolerate half of the things I tolerate either. Which angers me a lot because of all the acceptance I have taken in.

My present? He is inconsiderate. He doesn’t think of trying to get a solution where both benefit. Sometimes I really do wonder where I am in hi heart and if he ever cared for me. I wish he wouldn’t be the way he is right now, or at least improve a bit for me. I mean yeah he have had improved a lot since he never been in a relationship before. Now instead of jumping straight to sex, he went from starting to ask about how my day was to ask I feel and if I was okay. Then from there he’d often talk to me and from there he walked me to class, and etc. trust me I am grateful for everything because I know there are plenty of relationships that are worst than mine. There are lots of abusive relationships which doesn’t end well, there are lots of people who’d leave their girlfriend once they impregnate the girl, but I know he isn’t one of those, if there’s one thing he is responsible for, it’d be that.

But he’s not considerate enough to ask if I wanted some of his food or even share much of it until he is done with it. Like what the hell am i? his trash can? This is something my ex would never do. Quiet opposite, when I was abck with my ex, he’d use all his last pennies to buy me food even if that means he’d go broke, but I feel like my present wouldn’t have done the same thing which worries me a lot. It makes me question how long we’re gonna last in this relationship.

This have recently lead me to asking myself if this is the relationship I really want. Do I really want someone like him? Is he someone I see myself happy with in the future.